Psychobabble

Days, Ages and Times gone By

2012-02-14T23:43:00.000+01:00

It is a rollercoaster. And it even blows the wind out of an adrenalin junkie like me sometimes. There was once a time in my life when I enjoyed the last minute tensions. I would casually remark 'Life should have some thrill'. I still stand by it and am a firm believer in the journey being more meaningful than the end. I guess divine powers have noticed my need for such experiences from time to time. They always ensure that I have a long journey literally and emotionally. Emotions might get too sappy so I wouldn't get into that here. Somehow I manage to end up living at the far end of the city from the place I need to visit on a daily basis. It is only beautifully characterized by my daily travails from Viman nagar to Upper Indira Nagar during Engineering. If that seemed tough enough, I wasn't even remotely prepared for the daily travel to Hinjewadi during my Infy days. The positive is that I observe so many diversities in the same city everyday, that I sometimes feel empathically on a higher plane. The downside is having to wakr up early and somehow getting through the day without really having accomplished much. Even now I traverse the East and West of Berlin daily and I love it. The travel time is high by German standards, but it is so much more comfortable and easier than the experiences I have had travelling back home in India, that this feels like a breeze. Although 40 mins one way is not less by any stretch of imagination but I am more used to an hour and a half each direction.
There is such a huge difference between both the sides of the city. The West where I work is more posh and brand aware. Lotsa class going around with folks dressed up in the latest 1000 Euro suit. And then I come back to my home which is actually bang in the centre of the city, but in what was formerly the east. The communist hangover in the architecture still exists and the people are poorer and streets are filthier, but I like that. With all the grafitti on the walls and the porous hoodie clad people, it seems to somehow possess a character and a certain charm I don't find in the robotic West. Don't get me wrong; its good to have the mix of scene daily, but I like living in this former east and just visiting the west everyday. The other advantage is that, here in the East, I can eat as messily as my clumsy hands permit. I am a hopelessly messy eater. I strictly avoid spaghetti, noodles, non veg food with bones, etc when dining professionally or on a date. I have attempted eating with chopsticks once and probably the noodles on my plate would have given Sergei Bubka a run for his glory. I wear black at every social do so that if I do get some stains on my clothing they are easier to hide. But here in the humble east a little sauce on my lips after every morsel isn't faux pas.. Hell a coupla noodles on the floor aren't frowned upon too! I don't know if I'll ever become more cultured, but as long as I can adjust the surroundings to my advantage, I don't really care. Life is too short to learn 500 eating techniques!

Detours

2012-02-12T13:44:00.001+01:00

My ability to be constantly lost in my own world amazes me. Right now I am sitting at a coffee shop with serious budding entrepreneurs and they are discussing serious issues about how to take their business idea forward. I continue to think about how i don't care much about ongoing discussions in my vicinity. Being as judgemental as I am I find discussions pointless. In my view if you think hard enough the answer is obvious. Fundamentally you want to sell your product and make money. However in the initial days you need some liquidity to sustain yourselves when the going is tough. So complementing ur own product with some obvious offering which will give bread and butter is the way forward. Ur original idea may be to only sell ur solitary product but the road to get to any ideal in life is beset by detours u may or may not like the idea of. But surprising opportunities might present themselves along such paths and in the end your business model would evolve to combine the sheer perceived sexiness of your original plus necessary enhancements which would make much more money and allow you more room to do the things you really want to. There is very rarely a direct path but there surely is a shortest path :)

King of BS

2012-02-02T14:42:00.002+01:00

I work like a fast bowler! Short intense spells followed by long periods of inactivity. So I hate it when the business jargon comes up with phrases like "Let me put a new spin on this!" Why can't you simply let it seam in a another direction I ask? Noone gets the point because cricketing knowledge here is as rare as the snow this winter. Had a request today, "Please create a database to demonstrate the 'male function'". Contextually speaking, I figured what was required but still it was a typo and a hilarious one. Don't get me wrong, being asked to volunteer as the chief architect and role model for creating an entire database demonstrating the 'male function' kinda made me feel like an Alfa super stud for a bit. But when I look at the personal front its a different story. All roads lead to Senefelder Platz, if you know what I mean and I will not explain so use your imagination. Coincidentally, one of the things I am a subject matter expert on is abbreviated as BS. So yeah literally I am the King of BS creating a database to demonstrate the male function with step by step instructions on how to get the results you need. A 'self-help' guru in my own right! It clearly couldn't get much better!

Whiskey!

2012-01-31T21:12:00.000+01:00

Sunday evenings for the last three weeks have been nice. Discovered a whiskey place in Berlin and its awesome!For the uninitiated, Germans don't usually drink much else other than Beer, Wine and Jagermeister. Which ia all fine, but well Whiskey is Whiskey! Not only does this place have the best collection of Single Malts this side of the wall, but they also have about 30 sofas to relax, enjoy and prepare for Monday. In the process I discovered that Lagavulin is my poison. The slightly smokey aftertaste is brilliant. Connoisseurs of that aftertaste usually recommend Laphroig, but sadly it messes my throat and its a bit too harsh for my liking. The subtle brilliance of Lagavulin is genius though! To add to it, the basement of the place has interiors which remind me of the basement in 'That 70s Show'! I think its safe to say that 'Scotch n Sofa' is here to stay!

2012-01-24T21:35:00.001+01:00

Ok, so I can put up a new post but if I try to click the comments link on my own blog to respond to comments it freezes. This problem has been going on for weeks now. Google has become too buggy of late. Out of Apple, Google, Microsoft and Facebook, I trust Microsoft and Facebook only..Atleast they always work upto a certain basic quality threshold. Apple and Google aim for the stars but their basics are so screwed most of the time, its a pain to use them. Try changing the sim card of an iphone for instance..I guess I would shifting this blog to some genuinely reliable platform if these jerk offs don't solve their issues in two days! Blogspot was so much better before google bought them!

And so it is....

2012-01-23T22:20:00.000+01:00

Another day goes by in my monotonous existence where nothing major happens... Just read an article about some spiritual guru who said 'Do nothing, achieve more'! Well I would have been the King of the Planet by now, if that were even remotely true. Sadly such dream come true scenarios only sound right while speculating. The only way to achieve something is to keep having a go at it in every possible way.. To leave no stone unturned, however ridiculous that attempt might look during its execution. Things work out in ways you cannot imagine and sure shot gains melt away in the blink of an eye.. Shit happens and its a good thing and a bad thing!

2012 has arrived and I have just under a couple of weeks left before my lovely 20's end and I reach an age where I felt (10 yrs ago) I'd be married with kids n stuff. I thought I would be the responsible breadwinner, idol for my children and stuff. Truth be told, I am single, live in a shared rented appartment and continue to chase tail at every oppurtunity that presents itself. Atleast, I am employed again!

2010 and 2011 were tough years for me: personally and professionally! I do not know if 2012 will be any different, but well hope dies last! From broken relationships, health problems, mental breakdowns and a penniless broke existence in Europe, the current state of affairs is a welcome change. I am not minting money, driving a ferrari and dating calendar models by a long shot, but in a sad way I guess my expectations have lowered tremendously. A mini cooper would do!

But the good thing is, that this phase has taught me how I took so much for granted for so long and it has filled me with a renewed determination to be more than anything else : honest! Honest to my work, honest to myself and honest to those who care about me! Big talk from a watcher of pirated movies, but I buy a DVD every now and then..

The next major challenge for me is to get a German driving license!. I wanna do that before summer, so that I can drive to Italy, Poland, Latvia, Lituania and other random places filled with hot eastern european women! When you are honest to yourself, you automatically know what you want and are motivated to work towards it! Life seems so much simpler!

Be Nice!

2011-10-06T21:53:00.000+02:00

I have cribbed, cursed, stressed myself endlessly in the past. Well wishers always warned me but I kept on at it, not thinking about the pain I was causing to others around me as well as to my own emotional and physical well being. I believe I am a better man now due to the challenges that I have had non stop. I have decided since a few months to take everything chin up and leave the consequences to destiny. There is only so much I can do and I am finally accepting that I cannot and should not be able to control everything. In the process I am trying really hard to be nice to others and to myself. If nothing else, it is atleast healthier. Although it doesn't come naturally all the time and sometimes I am itching to snap but thankfully I have succeeded in maintaining some composure and I actually seem to be evolving. Men do things they need to do to be the men they want to be! Also, sometimes life has a funny way of turning you into the one thing you did not want to be.. But what I realize is that maybe its for the better, so that you understand different points of view and hopefully come out stronger. Finally the metaphor about clutching sand too tightly seems to make sense.. I guess maybe I am finally growing up. It was about fucking time anyway! But I am vain, so I wanna look young always and stay fit und gesund. I hope I am able to....

Slow Hands and Chi Running

2011-09-27T22:01:00.000+02:00

A couple of days ago there was the Berlin Marathon and a couple of friends from Munich participated. It was their first marathon and they had only a month of training, but they were still able to complete 42.195 km in under 6 hrs 15 minutes. Which got me thinking, why the hell haven't I even considered doing this as yet? I have been running every alternate morning for the last 4 months. Nowhere near the amount needed for a marathon, but I religiously put in my 5 km. Due to certain things, I was unable to do so in the last 3 weeks and knew that I had to get back to it this week. i was dreading the muscle sores and everything and the process of getting used to it again. However, on the marathon night someone told about this concept called Chi Running. I had nothing to lose so I tried to give it a go. So today I ran with this so called Chi style. It is seriously amazing. I felt the 5 km disappear so fast and without much effort. I have n soreness, no aches and feel as fresh as a fiddle. It is truly almost natural and somehow many of us haven't realized this technique of running as yet. So I hope I am able to continue with this for some time now, what with all the work and stuff. Anyhow, if my legs are busy the Ipod is busy as well and for good reason. The lst track I heard by Slow Hands is just pure sex.. Enjoy!

All you need is Blue, Blue Blue Blue!

2011-09-15T22:05:00.001+02:00

Courtesy facebook, I read some interesting posts today about the travails of a homely intellectual South Indian girl in the big bad evil Naarth: Where tandoori chicken is toothbrush and car parks are the place for mush! Thats something I am sure no northie would mind; but 'geographical'/'regional' ridicule disguised as humor is another story.

As a disclaimer, I am neither North Indian (origins are but I have never lived there) nor South Indian. I come from Maharashtra so I can take a more neutral stance in this blog war. Well, I have lived in Bangalore for a year and I have met great people and downright disgusting ones too. The cabbies are out to loot whether its Bangalore or Delhi or Pune (where I belong). I love some food, I can't stand some. But thats not because its South Indian food! For example, I dislike the taste of coconut. As a result, Keralite food cooked mostly in coconut oil is something I avoid generally. But, I also avoid a lot of Thai, Vietnamese, etc dishes due to the same reason. And the world's most populous race knows that there may never be a greater admirer of Thai or Vietnamese women than yours truly. So just because I am not comfortable with a certain aspect of doing things doesn't mean that I start detesting the people who act in that fashion. If the women are sexy, they are, period (no pun intended because it wouldn't work here). If she licks food off her elbows so what, replace it with chocolate sauce and assist her!

The fact is, if you are attractive to someone, it doesn't matter whether you are black, brown, white, yellow or maroon! If you aren't then also it doesn't matter if you are black, white, brown or yellow. Maroon is a different story but more on that later. And what is the big issue with being called black ? Its a color, looks great on a BMW , why shouldn't it look good on you? Why on earth would you wanna be a call-centre Indica by being referred to as white? The part of the world where I currently reside refers to me as brown and short according to the standards here. So what? So is a tight leather jacket around Alicia Silverstone!

If you feel something is a big compromise and you are doing it just beacause you have no other option apparently, the issue is yours not the region's. If its a relationship and you feel that you are compromising a lot, you should sort out the stuff you are compromising on rather than expecting someone to follow a marriage ritual according to your customs as a means to say 'return the favour'. How does that solve anything ?

In any part of the world, where you aren't native, you have to adjust to the ways of the land. Thats just fundamental 'somefieldofstudyIdonotknowthenameof'(I don't play chess, failed the entrance to IIT)! When in Rome do as the Romans, and if you feel like it then do the Romans too. However, the former is a core requirement but the latter is like a 'nice to have'. Change the priority and you are a migrant slut rather than what Akon calls affectionately 'Your Neighbourhood Ho'. Now what would you rather be?

Sky and Sand

2011-08-30T21:58:00.000+02:00

So the world is charged up! Seems everyone awoke simultaneously to the respective maladies tormenting them for ages and more. And to my utter surprise noone stopped short of getting what they set out for. Whether they won or lost is immaterial! What matters is everyone fought to the finish. People attribute this fact to the rise in social network usage. Though social networks play a huge role in organizing such mass uprisings, the world has seen uprsisings for the better part of history even without these networks. I may just be cynical here, but according to me the role of social networks is mainly that they make participating in these protests appear fashionable. I click a pic in a Gandhi cap and post it to my profile and there may be a 100 likes, much more than my not so glamorous profile could hope to achieve otherwise. Its sort of a mass chain of riding the gravy train to popularity. The likes pour in for most of the day due to multiple timezones of the likers involved, thereby shoving the age old adage of just 15 mins of fame down the window. Don't get me wrong, whatever the means, the end may well be worth it! All I am arguing is that it isn't the wider communication amongst the global citizens due to social networks has caused these uprisings. It is just that, a lot of people were pissed off with different things simultaneously. The threshold had been reached and sooner or later a protest would have taken place. There have been civil wars, freedom struggles, etc since time immemorial. In the last few decades after the second world war and more recently after communism reached its coma years, citizens just wanted political stability with free markets for a while. We were lulled into happiness with the smell of a Ralph Lauren blue, the 3 stripes of Gucci and McDonalds.. Then came the global financial crisis and sitizens started slowly realizing that all is not well if the Americans stopped spending like only they can and suddenly the whole world caught a cold. When luxury becomes unattainable for even the chosen few who could afford it recently, it starts trickling down to lower levels, like the people whose services they use. Suddenly, the whole bunch of people is just pissed off, with or without facebook. Word eventually does get around and David takes on Goliath! Leave you with a song that reflects the mood metaphorically..

O 'whatever consonant u wanna use' ama

2011-05-05T15:18:00.001+02:00

With the world waking upto proclamations of victory by the US administration. Comments such as justice after 10 years, and what not taking up precious airtime, I am fundamentally bored. Not that I do not believe in the significance of this, but if I see the bigger picture, justice after 10 years is not really as significant. Especially, when the deceased is no longer that important in the world of terror, but was largely a figure head. Its like a birthday cake, no real correlation with the year you just had or what the future holds in store, just a milestone marking event at its maximum prominence. And then there are all the conspiracy theories, one as wild as, the man was dead in 2001 and since then has been preserved on ice. And supposedly thats the reason why the pics of the deceased were unreleased for a couple of days, just so that the body could thaw. This one made me laugh. If the conspiracy was this big and being enacted for so long, do you really think the authorities are stupid enough not to thaw the body a couple of days in advance and then release pictures and make all the grand proclamations. About Pakistan's role in this thing, I do not really want to say much, its been such inconsistent communication from both parties involved that both seem to have something to hide. And in the absence of such vital concrete information I cannot really do what I do best, i.e. finger point.

So my main issue is with the media. First it was the royal goosebumps on Friday, with the media channels focussing on every minute detail like the veil of Kate Middleton's dress to actually complimenting the atrocious yellow dress worn by the queen. Sometimes people should stick to black, white, grey, red and brown. It almost looked like a circus tent. I found Pippa really hot personally. She was understated, sans excess make up, and not wearing a rainforest for a hat. I like it when women do not indulge in excessive make up for any event. Actually lipsticks and all those layers of whatever paint is applied to an otherwise normal face, scare the hell out of me. I have noticed pretty women resembling 'The joker' after a so called session with a beautician just prior to an important high society event. I mean, if thats what I wanted, I'd rather pick up a sex doll or one of lovely ladies adorning certain streets at night. So in short Pippa was hot. Kate Middleton looked pretty as well. As for the dress, I find all bridal dresses looking the same. Its white and long and thats about all I can see. So it looked fine to me. I also fail tounderstand the difference between wedding dresses in movies when the lead actress is trying out pair after pair and her friends are approving or rejecting them. It all looks the same. Women have complicated life unncessarily for themselves by bringing jewellery, high heels, make up, weirdass hairdos, etc into the picture. The funniest bit for me during this royal extravaganza was, some woman on CNN was saying : The dress has a V neck, just the way she likes it because she likes to show... and then she realized cleavage isn't the appropriate word and changed it to something like show how feminine she is.. nice one.. Next time if I like what I see, I am just saying : Hi, you look really feminine today. That wud get me a few deserved whacks ;)..

Air Woes

2011-04-27T16:20:00.000+02:00

Should airlines provide miles for bus journeys around the Tarmac? Recently I flew Turkish from India to Berlin, and was quite aghast at the long bus journeys around the Istanbul Airport that we were made to undertake. I mean if the national carrier cannot get decent slots on long overhaul flights, who can ? Similarly, I don't understand these airlines operating out of Europe. Previously, I flew several times between India and Australia via the Asian providers. I would actually look forward to the flight courtesy the in flight entertainment and the service. Now after having flown Lufthansa and Turkish, I understand that in flight entertainment is really a luxury even on long haul flights with flying time close to 8 hours. And the service is pretty non existent too, especially wrt the drinks. The good thing is there is no difference between expensive options (Lufthansa) and cheaper ones like Turkish. If anything, Turkish is actually better because atleast the seats are more spacious and I did have inflight entertainment on one side of the journey. Lufthansa was consistently cramped and boring. Turkish had hotter air hostesses too and they did provide basic provisions like ear plugs, which were conspicuous by their absence in Lufthansa.

Another thing I don't get is these low cost excuses. I recently flew to Munich via a low cost Airline (German Wings). The ticket was not exactly cheap. It actually cost me over 300 euros, which is quite shocking for a domestic flight. That was another story with us having to walk till the aeroplane on the tarmac, with no bus also. It was windy and horrid weather, but clearly passenger health is low on the agenda. Another legendary low cost option is Easy Jet. This is actually the worst of the lot if you are flying out of Berlin. Firstly they have an airport terminal which makes you undergo a crystal maze sort of experience while going from the security check to the gate. Secondly, they have actually created a sort of frame, in which the hand baggage needs to be inserted and only if it fits (not even slight transgressions allowed) are you allowed to carry it as hand luggage. Lastly you have to actually pay to reserve the seat which results in utter chaos once people enter the aircraft. All this would be fine with me if it truly was low cost, which it isn't. it is hardly 50 euros cheaper than the other options, but as I fly for interviews I am forced to fly these crazy excuses for flights, in order to get reimbursed. I hope I get a job soon, so that I can upgrade my flying standards atleast.

Purified

2011-04-16T04:50:00.000+02:00

Been a week since I landed in India for a 2 week holiday, and finally I managed to get out of the house last evening. Fell really ill in Germany, just before I got down here. Horrible cold, sore throat, blocked ears, and overall weakness. These conditions, especially the blocked ears are accentuated in flight conditions. To keep my mind off it, I watched 2 bollywood movies on the flight. But nothing can really shake that ringing and feeling of pressurized pain in the ears. Anyways, I landed in Mumbai and was dressed in a sweater, muffler and a jacket on top.. My folks were shocked to see me dressed in the height of single digit temperature fashion, but I felt nice and cozy in the 38 degree Mumbai heat. What followed was a week of resting, medications, anti biotics, etc.. Am much better though not completely cured as yet. But its been good to be home for a bit. I have watched the IPL and cheered for any team I felt like., caught up with old friends, witnessed the maddening dancing processions which happen at the drop of a hat here. Although there is so much more I really wanted to do , somehow it doesn't matter. I need to be perfectly fine before I fly back atleast. I have been off all forms of toxins and addictions for these last 10 days and I feel my breath much better and fresher despite the pollution. I shall be detoxing for long now :).

Devoid of all logic

2011-04-03T16:34:00.000+02:00

Watching Paki wickets falling with every sip of multivitamin juice or experiencing India's run rate increasing when reading a novel called Chase during the WC final, I had my own superstitions for every match. So much so, that I went out to watch the match yesterday. Now previously I had watched all the matches at home, via online streaming. But as online streaming keeps getting stuck and you can't really experience true joy, I decided to go to this bar called Belushi's in Berlin. Alas, SL managed to score 274 and we lost Sehwag and Tendulkar early. After that I got out of there, came home sat in the same spot and kept watching it online. When the stress was getting too much I started reading a book and somehow India's run chae slowly and surely started gaining momentum. I kept my book down once and Kohli perished. Then I started reading feverishly again and at some point even dozed off for 5 mins when Gambhir perished. I was like nothing doing, got a coffee and read continuously till MSD hit that one out of the park. Whew, what a silly superstition and how silly of me, but well things do that to you sometimes :)

The night was fun, drank copious amounts of alcohol, gatecrashed a party, still wasn't really drunk and got back at around 6 in the morning. I guess no alcohol could live up to the high that cricket had brought about that day! MSD, all my criticisms regarding your tactics aside, it was a true hero's innings man! Cheers to that!

Between delicious buns and a meaty place

2011-03-26T09:16:00.000+01:00

So, its been three long weeks since I last walked into a fast food place and ate a burger. I had been hearing this all along last year that burgers at Mcdonalds make you fat and unhealthy and how some people had done experiments to prove it. Well, now too much of anything is bad and I have been consuming about 5 cheeseburgers a week on average all of last year. But, surprisingly, I lost 4 kgs of weight and have been more energetic than I have been in ages. You might say that I might've started an exercise routine and/or regulated my other diet. On the contrary, I had no exercise regime, was consuming fat filled weiß beer thrice a week and my lunch comprised deep fried Schnitzels and fries at our school canteen. Cut the chase to these last 3 weeks. I was at the London-Lutow airport on the 6th and I ate one of those yummy bacon and cheese burgers. Since then I just didn'T eat a burger. It wasn't a conscious decision at first, but after 8 days when I first realised it, I decided to see how long I can go. And that brings me today, 3 weeks without any burgers. But I haven't lost any weight. On the contrary I think its quite the opposite, I may have gained half a kilo or so. Secondly, I feel weak, and exhausted all the time. The rest of my diet includes home made veggie stuff these days with a dash of salami every now and then. But I am nowhere close to my regular levels of awesomeness. The one positive outta this experience has been my cooking skills have improved dramatically. And you might think that since I am having fresher food daily, I should feel better. The truth can't be further from it. I guess the nutritionists have been fooling us all along. I truly feel like that lone slice of pickle!

Goggles

2011-03-19T11:47:00.000+01:00

On the app front I just tried google goggles. Am pretty impressed by its ability to scan everything and return search based information. I clicked a picture of the barcode in a supermarket and it told me where all the product is available nearby and for what price. It does image translations of stuff written in languages I do not understand to English, returns information about landmarks I didn't know about. In short, its a tech masterpiece.

They should probably do the same for checking people out. I load the characteristics of my type of liking into a system. Then when I am out and I cannot find anyone interesting, I click the pic of whoever I am chatting with and it scans their facebook/myspace etc to return potential candidates I would like and that person could set me up with. And then both parties can talk business. Call it 'Pimp ur Peeps' or something!

On a slightly more serious note, how would this work if I expanded it to say 'gentlemen's clubs'. It won't work because you cannot take pictures inside! But still in the world where every performing employee of the place is RFIDd and user rated, using location based services you can get to know where the best action is available. Even google goggles isn't fullproof yet. Most shopowners are pasting price tags over barcodes these days, just to avoid this photoclicking. But I guess it won't be long before the phone has a barcode scanner as a common feauture and doesn't rely on a camera to take the image! Till then I shall just keep playing!

Bad Apples

2011-03-13T16:02:00.000+01:00

There is one thing that amazes me all along. Why is Apple so revered as an organization and regarded as the holy god of ethical business ? Quite frankly, if it weren't for Microsoft, PCs would never have spread so fast and so quick. This unlimited access to computers in every nook and corner of the world would have been stuff seen in sci fi films. If the world functioned the way Apple wanted it to, we would buy a laptop, pay extra money for the charger, buy a separate USB port, buy some kinda fancy screw driver for 50 euros to help open the SD card slot, print only using Apple friendly printers and would not be able to store any media files on our pcs, but only be able to access them via the internet. Payment mechanisms for any software needed would be solely credit card based, and credit cards would be required whether or not the software is available free legally. Because, get a load of this: you would have to create an apple id to use some fancy software like itunes to download the free software. Creating an apple id needs a credit card, whether or not I need to pay for the software or not. And even despite all these issues, which one normally doesn't face with any other product, Apple is still referred to as 'USER FRIENDLY'.

I have owned a plethora of Apple devices in my life. I bought the Mac when it first came out, sadly because I was too early and windows wasn't so popular back then in the early 1990s. What followed was several years of incompatibily and bad service until finally I bought a windows based PC which was like a Godsend. Then I bought the Ipod, which I have no complaints about. It was probably the only worthwhile product from Apple. But even there, I don't understand how customers pay 100 dollars for like 16 GB of additional flash memory. Apple happily cheats you and you kiss it by queueing up early in the morning when it launches a silly upgrade to its products.

Case in point being the latest from the shelves of apple : the Ipad2. I own one Ipad, the first one. Thankfully I didn't buy it. I just won it at a competition. I am happy that I won it, but I really don't have any use for it. I can't download any applications or ebooks because I have no credit card. i cannot even put a sim card inside it and use it as a giant phone, because they have messed up the sim card slots to accept only micro sim cards. I being not that daft technically, know that I can chop my existing sim card to the size of the golden chip and it becomes a micro simcard. But again, here is the best one : the Sim Card slot can be opened only with some fancy screw driver which I need to buy.. I guess they do want you to 'Stay Hungry and Foolish'. Because supporting the already overpriced product may cost you a fortune and you would really be foolish to do something like that.

And now I read about these long queues for the Ipad2, which has only a camera as the additional worthwhile feature, which was present in the Samsung Galaxy Tab eons ago. Thankfully I have an android based cellphone and life is much simpler. I can download any applications I want and dont need any credit card bullshit. The device already has wi fi and I didn't pay extra for it or wait for an upgraded device to arrive. It costs one sixth of what an iphone costs and is so easy to use. I can charge it using my laptop and using a wall mount charger, both of which were already in the kit. No ties to any single cellphone company in order to use it. Thank god for Google and Samsung!

Hello to the Queen

2011-03-09T15:20:00.000+01:00

Still jobless but I have kept busy. Amidst all the mindnumbing applications, telephone calls and stress handling, I had a trip to the UK last week. I was participating in a Venture Capitalist competition for business school graduates at Saiid Business School, Oxford University. Although I didn't win anything the three days I spent in Oxford were memorable. It is a small town, but is so vibrant due to the abundance of young population. The literally 'cute' architecture, old town charm and no holds barred friendliness of the locals was welcome after my long duration of stay in the land where langauge barriers make small talk a trifle more difficult than it usually is. Although I understand and speak a fair bit of German, it will never be as good as my English is and I obviously will not understand jokes which have cultural meanings out here. So fsmiliarity felt good after a while. I also spent one 2 half days in London and was spellbound at the magnificence and the diversity there. I hardly saw any natives! So I ate authentic Tandoori Chicken after a year and a half, did all the touristy stuff, ate great English Pub Food, hung around the pubs which shut remrkably early compared to Berlin standards, and saw with my own eyes what an integrated society England has become. Germany does have its fair share of immigrants, but it is still nowhere in comparison to the UK as yet. I hope I visit England again some day, and hopefully with more time and money in hand :). Because for all its aweosmeness, the inexpensive nature of berlin has spoilt my habits .

Wavelengths

2011-02-20T19:47:00.000+01:00

They keep coming back to me
Like grilled cheese in the morning
They don't stop at level three
And reach higher when I'm snoring
Thoughts, ideas, jubilations or panic attacks
The dryness of the season
Provides channels through every facial crack
Too young to wrinkle, too old to pimple
Here I am, stuck in the middle with these
Friends, foes, mindrapists, submissive whores
Organize to compose my life's melody
Should come as no surprise,
Its a bittersweet symphony!

Where is the snow?

2011-02-12T13:53:00.000+01:00

Last winter, I hadn't seen the true color of the streets until late March. Cottoncandy paths laced the terrain, making it prettier and covering all the dust. This year the winter has been really shorter snow wise. No snow after new year! Its a shame! I was so looking forward to the cozy charm the snow brings to the city. The air feels fresher, coffees taste better and the Bratwursts at the road side vendors seem so tempting. All thats there this year is the wind, which I hate. I prefer -5 to +5 temperature wise if there is no wind. Its just a pain to be out. It looks like a beautiful day from the window, but as soon as you go outside this damn wind takes all the fun away drying out for face and lips even though after much reluctance I have started to wear these creams. But honestly they don't seem to help so I can't understand what all the fuss is about. I have to keep reapplying the shit every hour for any effect. I might as well then let my face go absolutely dry and wash it and get moisture when I get back home. Anyways, I guess this year is different.. the start was so promising but the snow faded away as fast as it caught on in the beginning!

Herr Lehmann

2011-02-02T13:27:00.000+01:00

Been reading this book called 'Berlin Blues' over the last month. Had no idea it was popular in Germany as this movie called 'Herr Lehmann'. I was recommending a friend to read this book and that this protagonist called Lehmann is too funny when I was told yes it is a famous movie. The guy is called Frank but people jokingly call him Herr Lehmann coz he is about to turn thirty soon. Set in a time just before the wall came down, it captures the typical Berlin trashy bar atmosphere and the trysts of Frank with friends, women and GDR hilariously. I highly recommend.

Wasting time, in the waiting line

2011-01-30T16:42:00.000+01:00

So its been a long, lonely, disappointing month by all accounts. I hope the new year gets better, because if the start is anything to go by, I might as well sleep the whole year and wake up when December ends. Its frustrating in a lot of ways and to be honest I am not the best at dealing with frustration. However, I have really tried to work on it and for a start I have managed to remain polite and courteous to everyone even though my mood sucks. But I can't hide the freaked out expression on my face and people have guessed that my spirits are not high at all. Anyways, another week and another month begins from tommorrow and I hope miracles happen because honestly I don't get what life is trying to teach me and have also lost all motivation to focus. I do what I am supposed to everyday, but with each passing disappointment I can't shake the feeling that I am simply going through the motions without any real hope. Whatever it is, I am not gonna take this in my stride or move on.. I shall not budge because I have compromised enough!

No comfort zone

2011-01-18T23:16:00.000+01:00

A bicycle without shock absorbers
Wanders through the potholes
One thud at a time
Its not just the tires that take the beating
Its the entire works
Somethings can be repaired though
Some sustain permanent damage
Ultimately, it depends on the road you take

Please please me!

2011-01-14T10:01:00.000+01:00

Have never been jobless! So its hard for me to wake up each day and find nothing cash generating to do. Been trying to find myself a job here and busting my ass in the process , however times do not seem that kind as of now. But I am giving myself some time atleast a month and a half more to find myself something in Germany, preferably Berlin. I really like this place and can envision myself sticking on endlessly if I get the chance. Its funky, sublime, down to earth, trashy, posh, everything rolled into one.. ...! Whats there not to like except my situation ?

Side Steps

2011-01-08T20:05:00.000+01:00

Eventless times crowd this anxious mind
Roads seem bleary, lights mislead
Cornerstones of success, seem hard to find
Looking in the mirror, eyes fear their own reflection
Sometimes life resembles the blue screen of death
Amidst all the stress, fear and tension
How does one sleep or get through the next day?
When self doubts cloud an already difficult situation
The weather metaphorically reflects the life in slow motion
A tiny step on the pavement, the next two slip in any direction
Finding your balance is a part of the experience
But I quickly need to get a grip to avoid further damage

Furry Walls

2010-12-31T16:33:00.000+01:00

I watched Rocket Singh last night.. I understand its not the newest film on the horizon, but had missed it earlier due to me being all busy shifting base to Berlin. I actually quite liked the movie, despite it not having been a commercial success. I have decided to watch only low budget movies from Bollywood. I had one non memorable tryst with big budget watching Golmaal 3. Atrocious is an understatment. How the fuck can audiences really tolerate that movie. I have a really low bar for sense of humor. I am one of those who even enjoys slapsticks of the Govinda kinds.. But this movie was just so atrocious, that even I couldn't stand it. Tushar Kapoor being dumb looked like a positive at the outset, but still he made so many irritating sounds that even a donkey stable would be put to shame. And Shreya Talpade is actually a good actor.. Watching him stoop to stuttering to try and induce a laugh is appalling. Anyways, all is not lost for Bollywood. All the low budget films like Tere Bin Laden and Phas Gaya Obama have been innovative and refreshing. On the foreign films front, nothing beats Machete this year. Then the next one on the ladder of legendariness is Get Him To The Greek. Russel Brand is a genious.. Am also reading his autobiography these days and it is funny like hell. But the best was his interview with Larry King on CNN. If you haven't watched it yet youtube it. To wrap up the year all I have to say is, 'When the world slips you a Geoffrey, stroke the furry wall' :)

A Toast!

2010-12-26T13:29:00.000+01:00

It wraps to a close, this year where my life is completely transformed from what it was at the same time last year. Personally and Professionally, everything is diametrically opposite. I do not know whether it is for the better or otherwise, but i would like to think that things will be good and the future holds promise. I have made so many new friends this year. Whether they stay friends for life is yet to be seen, but I do miss a lot of them who left for their home countries differently. I do not understand sometimes where I stand emotionally and also feel that in many cases I am just going with the flow. But in some ways the past has made me risk averse. I know I want something other than what I am striving for but am too lazy for another migraine. As they say, 'No pain, no gain'. I believe can still gain in some areas without experiencing much pain. And I soldier on in that direction. On the other hand, I have been exposed to so many different cultures and can now understand what Knopfler meant when he sang 'There are so many different worlds, so many different suns, we have just one world, but we live in different ones'. I experienced an example of this yesterday, when I went to drop a very close friend to the airport. She was going back to her home country, which is a very different place from any of the cultures I had experienced. She had enormous amounts of extra luggage as pretty women generally tend to carry and her plan was to transport it with another person who was taking the same flight and had lesser luggage. I told her that 'I hoped your plan works, but i don't think it will because this is how smuggling is done' I wouldn't have taken that extra bag with me if I was a fellow passanger with minimal baggage. But to my utter surprise the entire queue was willing to help and her luggage was broken into many small parts and transported with so many people. It was feeling like I am on an alien planet, but it felt good that cynicism and pessimism hadn't engulfed the whole species as yet. I was also concerned that she would have issues with her hand luggage as it looked out of shape to me. Anyways, I left when she proceeded for security check and boarding. I texted her from the bus, hoping that she got through the process without any further hassles. The reply made me smile instantly. It said 'Yes. I am in the duty free now'. I was amazed. After putting off so much luggage the last thing I would do is buy more stuff. But as we can see people are different and normalcy is one part of the world amounts to paranormal activity in another. This just one such example of the contrasting realities that I have experienced this year, but since it is the most recent it stays on the top of my head. But to everyone who has added spice, flavor, passion and awesomeness to my experience this year I give you all a tight hug, and raise my glass. Cheers!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T19:39:00.000+01:00

I see a black door and I want it painted red
No monochrome tonight unless color is dead
Only ketchup on the pommes,
Mayo later with ham and bread
I cut the steak down the centre and all I want is red

Well done is passe, medium rare's the way to go
Stop chewing just short of tootaches, but I don't wanna slow
It all goes down well with red if the cut is right
However if the chop isn't prime
The order reads a white

Yuletide rolls by and I see Frauen in black n white
No red santa costumes with cuts meant to delight
I need some skin on display to feel the festive cheer
Spreading joy don't come easy
When all you see is a fake layer

Green Comfy Snow!

2010-12-20T13:40:00.000+01:00

Its lovely! Its so fresh and nice and cold! If you do not have to travel long distances, the cold weather is quite enjoyable. The air is so crisp, and does not stink like summer smells.. No random seeds flying, no flies and mosquitoes, perishables don't perish easily and sleep comes like a drug. Perfect for a lazy person like me. Sweaters eliminate the need for ironing. If you have put on a few extra pounds, jackets can be worn to cover it up. I don't understand the constant frustration and depression that people have due to the cold. I love this weather to be honest. Its infintely better than the constant discomfort that summer puts you through.

Its also energy efficient, if you do not nead to turn on the heater like i don't need to. In summer you cannot do without a fan or an air conditioner. But in this weather, all I need to do is wear a warmish sweatshirt to sleep and no source of energy is needed in the night. This energy saving extends to no ironing needed and decreased usage of the refridgerator as well. Plus, since it is so sleep inducing, I do not waste hours watching TV at night to put myself to sleep.

Additionally, it is water efficient; you need to bathe at max once a day and even consume lesser liquid for drinking since you do not sweat everything out as you would do in the heat. All the fight against these eco unfriendly practices is to stave off global 'warming'! So change your outlook and enjoy this European 'Chill Out'!

Uncertainty

2010-12-04T11:58:00.000+01:00

Its a Saturday Morning and I am not hung over, dog tired or any of the things that make me wanna simply avoid the world outside my duvet. I have had a few rough weeks with a tiring project and exhausting master thesis and suddenly now the beautiful year is ending. I have just 12 more days with this new group of people I have grown accustomed to. Then I don't know what'll happen and what the status quo will be, but it definitely feels bittersweet. On the bright side, I am experiencing Christmas in Germany and the Weinachtsmarkts and Glühweins are quite spectacular. But the unexpectedly early snowfall had destabilized things in a way. Its -15 on a pure temperature basis but the wind chill factor gets it down to -25. So it is pretty chilly and I have to think 10 times before venturing out on the streets. But it feels like a full circle. It was like this when I got here earlier in the year and now it starts all over again. But I love this city and I hope I land a job soon, because I have many reasons to stay here. All of them are equally valid

SaneCoffeeMental

2010-11-21T17:20:00.000+01:00

Somethings stick in your head. They'll always be good memories despite their lack of significance in the scheme of things. Like the idle Sunday mornings at the Barista in that sidelane at Koramangala, Bangalore ages ago. Or the times I spent at the Sydney Harbour doing nothing but sitting at the shore, listening to my Ipod and watching pigeons swoop off and snatch french fries from unsuspecting tourists. Or my favourite one, the Barista which opened for a short while in ABC farms, Koregaon Park. I actually prefer Barista to Starbucks any day, comfort wise and coffee wise. Its when I am stressed out with work that those times come crashing into my head and I can almost taste the Swiss Mocha Frappe and drift off into states of idyllic bliss surrounded by empty glasses of diet coke. All benefits are not tangible, infact the best never are. What I lose in time, I gain in sanity. Dream on! Whats the worst that could happen, another sleepless night! Its nothing that I haven't done before!

Lousy things I said or thought

2010-11-15T21:23:00.000+01:00

The Gizmo Test: When u look at a woman, especially Asian, and can't decide if she's fit enough, just think 'If she poses with a gizmo, will I buy the gizmo?' .
If the answer is
1)Yes, she is super hot...
2)Maybe, I could do her anyway
3)If there is a sale, A bird in hand is better than two in each other's bushes
4)No, I need a lot of alcohol

A: Don't you see the point. This will cover all the bullshit of the past.Its like a paradigm shift we've made!
KK:No, its not a fuckin paradigm shit, its like a you dropped a dime with a parachute, u still go down, only u don't break ur butt in the process.

Why don't we go out for dinner anymore?
My thoughts: 'Since you don't wanna put out, I'd rather spend 2 bucks at McDonalds and save the remaining 20 bucks for someone who definitely will. Two less meals with you, 20 more minutes of assured relief'
My words: 'Ya we should, it's usually fun. Lets go this weekend'
My thoughts after my words: ' I'm such a sucker for politeness. I need to invent an unexpected guest or event on the weekend now'
Moral of the story : Always gotta lie to get laid and also look honest in the process!

When a DJ tweaks an old tune its a remix, when a corporate management tweaks an old strategy its innovation, but when Britney tries to dress up like she's 16, its a fuckin disaster!

Wrangled

2010-11-08T12:11:00.000+01:00

Stretched to the point of no turning back
All the energy squeezed out
Every nerve centre without feeling
Remorse, guilt, depression, self-loathing
No paybacks, no returns
Its a negative sum game,
I play at every turn
Held still by stupor or paralysis
Work really hard, but end up
Like a drumstick

Space Balls

2010-11-07T12:10:00.000+01:00

I had a crazy dream last night. Normally, I am not the kind of person who remembers dreams but I guess there is a first time for everything. So, I went off to sleep watching all the news about these air traffic issues. Freight Bombs, A380s, security issues, etc. Maybe I was so influenced, that I was thinking, how should we go about making airports more secure. Then my mind went to IT systems and I felt that the current mechanism of how we fly mimics what is known in the world of processors as parallel processing. We all fly simultaneously. And that is why terrorists have an advantage of striking midflight and impacting so many people. I figured why not change the model to bit wise, sequential transmission. Which means, we all get transmitted/transported from one place to another separately, in our own individual cocoons, one after the other. The cocoons are made of some high density/ high tolerance material, nothing in space can impact it. They are in a way like cruise missiles where the path they need to traverse is pre programmed and there are sensors and detectors on the device as well as at the destination which are frequency mapped to receive the right cocoons at the right destination. These were shaped like giant transparent balls in my dream. The propulsion system for these were resembling giant canons. So each individual gets into his/her cocoon and is rolled into the canon and then is literally fired into space by this canon. The person then enjoys this guided missile kinda flight to his/her destination. It looked so ridiculous when I was picturing it, all balls suspended in space, people waving out to each other through the transparent walls in the balls. For long haul flights, all you do is land at a mid destination and switch to the next ball already waiting for you on an assembly line. For a smooth landing there is some kinda magnetic field technology with similar poles on the device and the receiving station so that the balls slow down dramatically due to the repulsion before landing. It was sci fi at its most ludicrous. I woke up with a smile though.

Do you really ever lose anything?

2010-10-29T12:40:00.000+02:00

I was having a chat with a colleague about another colleague of ours who has spent close to a decade outside the motherland and in the fatherland. The colleague I was talking to casually mentioned that one thing we must appreciate about this guy is that he hasn't yet lost his Indianness...
I began thinking, what really is Indianness ? Does it mean that if i dress up according to the trends of the land that I live in, that I have lost something? Or if I enjoy a Wienerschnitzel as much as a Tandoori Chicken, that I am not Indian anymore ? Or if I constantly roam around with the puzzled look of a newbie on my face despite having spent close to half a year in a city, that I have forgotten some roots? In a way, we all have to adapt to the places we live in because thats the way we don't stick out like sore thumbs. Many people have this argument, that this is what diversity is all about in a place. I don't buy that. Being diverse just for the sake of being diverse does not achieve anything. It also shows that you want others to learn and cater to your diversity but at the same time not learn from the many divesre things staring you in the face. And some of those things are pleasant, some unpleasant, but its all part of the experience. I don't see a point of living in Australia and not knowing what James Squire is all about or not knowing the tastes of the Paulaner or Augustiner in Germany. For most people, experiencing a foreign land is equivalent to having a photo next to the eiffel tower. So, I know some people who spend one year in a land and spread horror stories of how cold and lonely the place is when they themselves haven't taken any effort in socializing and getting to know the wonders and beauty that every famous city is supposed to have and it actually does. And then there is the other extreme: an Indian male colleague of mine wears earings due to some religious stuff. But here earings is a symbol of gay. and he couldn't guess why gay men kept making passes at him until i told him about it. Then he was like but I am not from here so how can they take me to be in that category. Well, now they have accepted u as one of their own, diversity and all that nonsense now, so what are you really complaining about :) ?

The Slide

2010-10-22T22:26:00.000+02:00

It didn't matter if he tried too hard
Or whiled his time over a JD in a bar
Some battles are lost before they start
The ensuing pain conceives the finest art
What use are the riches after his prime ?
A life spent in distress without a dime
Showdowns, shakedowns, rejuvenation temporary
Not long before the skies return to dreary
Nine dogs at a time fucking this bitch called life
Ending up with whores while looking for a wife
Right angle, triangle, equilaterally askew
The waist becomes obtuse but the pain stays acute
Saddled with some nitwits for an important assignment
Their brains were shipped to Mars,
As a complimentary consignment
Unexciting endings make for indifferent beginnings
Like snow on the steps with no support or railings
Sliding away backwards while the feet try to advance
The task is uphill, but God give me a chance!

Airplanes

2010-10-09T14:32:00.000+02:00

In changing times we need to be nimble, efficient and flexible to gain sustainable competitive advantage. Well the last few weeks have been a laugh, what with yours truly becoming a master of corporate jargon in day to day language. Its funny to use words like sustainability for saying that it could last longer. The MBA course has taken its toll with me being squeezed out of every drop of alcohol flowing through my veins. All the weekends have been busy with me traveling. I witnessed the 200th Oktoberfest in Munich, where I ambitiously drowned 3 masts of that 10% concentrated beer and then went out of the tent to consume kiddish stuff like waffles and chocolates and marshmallows and the like. As you know sweet after alcohol is not the best option, I had to drag myself to a waiting room in a nearby station to snooze a coupla hours before my friends got out of the tent. So I marked another location I have slept at on my sleep trails. I guess I should write a book : How to sleep cheap; my life on the bench. The next day I came back to the fest and did the rollercoasters and stuff. I am such a kid when it comes to all this, I have to do it.

Last weekend I visited Switzerland. Spent a couple of days at Interlaken in a lakeside resort and also went to the famous Jungfraujoch, which is the top of the swiss alps and top of Europe. So it was nice. Consequently for the last 4 weeks I haven't had a weekend to do any work, which means I have been working on average till 3 in the night on weekdays and waking up at 7. Even the night before I took the early morning flight to Switzerland, three of my colleagues had their birthday celebrations, so I ended up partying till 3. Though I have mostly been keeping the drinks slow to have 'sustainability'. Been in some difficult times lately : as I have been the savior and not the victim. This is unusual for a person like me but I guess its payback time. I need to help friends who have carried me home at various points in the year and now I am carrying them to their houses.

I have become increasingly techfested too. Was never much of a gizmo freak but these days I spend hours on them online. Guess its a phase. With these things, like cars its the unaffordability that pisses me off. Its a phase that will pass and I will get back to watching the hot asian touch models posing with the gizmos rather than the gizmos themselves.

On the music front I like that catchy Airplanes song doing the rounds these days. Also Move It by Culcha Candela is another short shelf life masterpiece. Only classic rock n roll is sustainable :)!

Heliopolis ?

2010-10-09T14:00:00.000+02:00

Distances grew, advances withdrew
Obvious paths went askew
Somewhere it was me, somewhere you
Normalcy felt ages afar
Stuff that can't be fixed
In the backseat of a car
Looked longer than a trip around the Nile
But all that was needed
Was a wink and a smile

Love in Print

2010-09-19T18:42:00.000+02:00

Sleep deprived, hooked
A new definition of
Playing by the book
My goose is cooked
I am now a lonely gander
The woman in question
Is Lisbeth Salander

Backing non vocals

2010-09-19T11:09:00.000+02:00

I guess I have become increasingly superficial. I stopped caring about many things sometime ago. It just happened like snap. All I care about now is myself, well mostly atleast. I have in many ways puposely turned a blind eye to things that would upset me sometime ago. I feel almost superior being superficial. It feels like I am sitting higher up and watching some drama predictably unfold. Most people seem to act in certain ways always and you can almost predict what will happen next. Sometimes I try experimenting to break the monotony. I say a phrase or two to someone innocently fully aware about the train of thoughts it will trigger in their minds and I have a laugh about it. I understand this may have serious repurcussions but things don't seem serious to me any more. I rarely get tense unless I am personally involved. Else I normally keep acting. Faking laughter, concern , shrugs and smiles when something completely different like the plot of expendables is going on in my head. It reflects in the music I listen to more these days too. I seem to be shifting from lyrics more towards sound. I listen to lyrics and something that might have seemed beautifully crafted some years ago now makes me react in a way of accusing the sonwriter of having pointless concern. On the other hand some sounds in some songs these days take my breath away. In a way i guess I have moved more to the background so my life has more background music. So here I would leave you with a couple of mesmerising pieces of music that play in my head throughout the day :
1) Belfast by Orbital

2) Futures by Zero

I hope you enjoy

Czech Wonder

2010-09-14T18:23:00.000+02:00

Had a tame but amazing weekend! Had my family over in Berlin, so did touristy stuff all week and had a trip to Dresden and Prague on the weekend. Prague seriously took my breath away. I would recommend anyone visiting Europe to do the train journey from Dresden to Prague. It is by far the most scenic train route I have seen. It beats Switzerland and France as well. I didn't expect the Czech Republic to be so pretty but it was awesome. To top it all, Prague is really cheap by European standards. It is as good as spending in the Indian context and being surrounded by the castles and old city charm of ancient Europe. I shall go there again, since I couldn't capitalize on the drinking and clubbing potential of the place due to the company I had. So in a couple of weeks I shall visit Prague again.

Got back yesterday, dropped my folks to the airport this morning and spent the day trying to catch up with all the study work I have been slow with last week. Someone was considering applying for the post of COO somewhere. Just told the person I would be happy to be hired as just an assistant to the COO coz as a COO you would always be one letter short of cool! Have the Oktoberfest on the 25th in Munich, that I gotta go to and then a trip to Zurich and Interlaken after that. In the interim I have to juggle all these other reponsibilities! The Man is busy!

There may or may not be blood

2010-09-04T19:36:00.000+02:00

I dodge flies like Neo! I can kill mosquitoes, bees, bedbugs, lizards, frogs with Nazi disdain. I am a one man exterminator. But I wasn't always like this. I didn't dream about killing all this scum since childhood. Life taught me and it taught me well. Like that incident involving butterflies in my stomach. Its the one occassion where the ugly caterpillar doesn't come into existence. Or maybe the term was coined by a Chinese tribe! I had discussions with various people about how they had to consume insects when engaged in military training. Well I was hungry and there was no food accessible. No money in my pocket and no one I could borrow stuff from. But don't worry, I'd rather starve to Kate Moss sizes than eat a caterpillar. But just squishing it when i see one is a different story. I don't understand the reason for the flash flood of happiness that penetrates my senses after each such act of Bugger all. Maybe its the sound that it makes. Its infinitely more fun if the creature in question has a hardish exterior. I prefer the crunchy squish to the jelly like feeling when its a lizard or a frog. It has to be a combo of sound and feel, since visually i find it distasteful. Its almost like a nonsense addiction. Akin to the one I have which involves breaking dried tree branch breakoffs with my feet while walking. Its simple pleasures these, but they keep me going. But it exists and its a part of me. i can hardly control myself when there is an insect in the vicinity. I have to go after it. When there are more people involved, I clench my teeth and count to ten to avoid making a fool of myself in public. But when I am alone at home and have left the balcony door open due to sheer carelessness, every now and then a tiny aviator wafts in trying to follow the path to the unwashed utensils. And then as they say 'Its Showtime'!

So many things to do!

2010-08-31T12:06:00.000+02:00

Ever since the break ended, I have been submerged in the flood of assignments, case studies, etc. Haven't downloaded any exciting music or had the time to just sit back for a day. Have managed to read a few books though in the interim. I read this book called The Girl with a dragon tattoo, which is quite popular unlike my normal reads, so I guess you all must have heard about it. Then I read this book called Mystery Man, by my fave Irish author Colin Bateman. It has mystery, romance and is loaded with ever ready wit. One of the funniest books I've read in recent times. Then after watching How I met you mother for 5 seasons, I paid my tribute by buying an edition of 'The Bro Code'. Finished it in one day as it is a breezy read, but it is realla funny. My favourite was, best job description to land chicks : I design shoes for diabetic cats. It shows creativity, love for animals and caring! Typically Barney, I love it!

Only Alt and Delete

2010-08-15T15:27:00.000+02:00

Once upon a time in Schlossplatz Ein,
There was excitement in the air and life seemed divine
The water has stagnated, the roads are half blocked
We just roll with the wind where we once rocked
I guess its me and not the surrounding
My mind flew free but has now found its grounding
Evaporation of my holdings has played its part
I need some fresh infusions and a brand new start

Couth Coolth

2010-08-01T13:25:00.001+02:00

Last night I was sipping a cold Paulaner and channelsurfing when I stopped at a music channel. They were showing Justin Bieber's Top 20 or some shit. I mean come on, firstly that guy isn't even 20 years old and sings stuff that could replace Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I understand the power of the teen consumer but late night TV oughta show something more grown up. So I thought if such half in the womb jerks could create their Top 20 and give some knowledge on the subject with so much authority, I should create a list of my own. So here it is bottom up, my guaranteed to instill awesomeness list as of today:

10) Smack my bitch Up : Prodigy : The track that made me appreciate this electro genre of music and I haven't looked back since. Banned in many countries and also controversial for its lyrics, but balls to all that. As it goes: Smack my bitch up , like a pimp

9) I Disappear : Metallica : Many may argue that Metallica has many better tracks and I agree. But the adrenalin rush of that guitar riff coupled with the images of the horribly stupid yet splendidly cool MI:2 make for a splendid cocktail.

8) Joker and the Thief : Wolfmother : NFS, Shoot em Up, etc, This track is featured at so many places. The Band from down under, added a fresh flavour to the 70s style rock scene in 2006. This is just an aweinspiring track that makes you wanna wear some cool shades and take a flashy convertible for a spin till the edge of an empty cliff. Unoffiial video but a cool one:

7)Rockstar : Nickelback : If you wanna feel larger than life, the song to listen to. I don't generally like Nickelback but this song was great. Give respect where due :)

6)I just don't know what to do with myself: The White Stripes: just a great version of the Dusty Springfield song and what more can one ask for with the awesome Kate shaking it like she should

5)Ruby Tuesday : The Rolling Stones : The greatest band ever IMHO. When you change with everyday, still I'm gonna miss you :). One of the less popular gems:

4)No Rain : Blind Melon : The song I hear most often. It is melancholic yet cheers me up :). I like watching the puddles gather rain too. Growing up in Mumbai played a part methinks

3)Satisfaction : The Rolling Stone
But he can't be a man coz he doesn't smoke the same cigarretes as me.. Attitude :)!

2)Young Lust : Pink Floyd : I could make a top 50 exclusively on Pink Floyd, but I am choosing one track which goes with the mood of this list. An awesome track from an album that is arguably the best musical accomplishment of all time. Take this Rock and Roll Refugee and set him free :

1)Are You Gonna Go My Way ? : Lenny Kravitz : My ringtone since the last 5 years :). There is something about this track , its possibly the attitude, or the way its sung. Kravitz has kicked ass on this one. He is a hugely talented underperformer, but if he has to say ' I got one shot in, but it was a solid one' much like our very own Anthony Gonzalvez did, he needn't look much further :

Leap of Faith ?

2010-07-31T09:30:00.000+02:00

Sometimes its things you know but said to you by people you subconsciously will always believe in that help in turning your mind around. If I could take one lesson from Inception where the term Leap of Faith is oft repeated, it would be that nothing really matters in the end as long as you believe in what you define as reality. The Leap of Faith can be a disaster when viewed from the outside , but if I can convince myself that this is paradise then so be it. So how do you convince yourself ? For some people its easy, they are confident and believe only in what they do and assume they are always right.Some need an entire army to convince themselves about their decisions. Most of us lie somewhere in the middle. We are sure of certain things but sometimes we have our hesitations. We don't wanna ask for help, advice or anything but sometimes there is a random conversation where someone advises you which matches with what you thought you should be doing. If this is a person you really trust then it can reinforce your belief and you will make a certain choice and then your life will proceed accordingly. Before I saw Inception, I watched a film called 'Mr Nobody'. It is a bit of a mixture of sliding doors and butterfly effect, but I liked that movie. None of the others watching it with me did. It is sort of an aftermath of inception. That an idea can be the strongest force, but the ultimate culmination of an idea is making a choice. So depending on whatever choices you make, due to the external circumstances beyond your control the final outcome is not very radically different in the long term. Yes there may be short term effects but where you end up in the long run depends on the person you are. Since you might find a better opportunity if you are naturally curious/optimistic, but if you are just a cynical pessimist yo won't do great despite having made a right decision. So I think I should just sit back and let things take their course rather than trying to force the events. There is only so much I can do , after all I'm no Superman :)

Europe Sucks

2010-07-29T07:37:00.000+02:00

Europe just sucks if you want any work done. Their procedures are so daft that our humble paaji jokes appear to be masterminds in comparison. Why they give a visa to a person before entering this shithole god alone knows. First after centuries of documents, you get a bloody one month visa. Then go and apply for a residence permit. Why ? no other part of the world asks you to apply twice for the same bullshit. Even after doing that a simple student visa and residence permit is not good enough to work as a student. You need some more paper.. I have half a mind of shoving used toilet paper into an envelope and posting it to the authorities here. Let them et a taste of the shit we have to go through.

Finding an apartment is a pain and then apartments come with nothing installed, not even light fixtures. The damn painting is shoddy, floor has smudges of paint on it, etc. After going through al the mess you wanna sublet your apartment. You post it on websites and then enthusiastic european students respond and fix times and never turn up. Some have the decency of cancelling at the time they are expected to arrive and some dont even bother with that. They have no consideration of the the time you sit wasting waiting for them. I have had to waste my whole summer break trying to get a job (but the paperwork is taking ages) and trying to rent out a room in my house (these bastards and BITCHES never arrive). Now I am not gonna rent my apartment out, I will post the ads and never be present myself. Let these dumbfucks suffer!

This continent then complains about all the bullshit about financial issues and poverty. If they have such daft systems it is bound to happen

Stretched to the point of no turning back

2010-07-28T17:07:00.000+02:00

Demotivated, deprived, depraved
Life in 3D, has a different take
Won't eat it but can't even seem to have my cake
All the pain is real, the happiness fake
A tiny smile can set off a depression
Memories haunt a tormented imagination
Wisdom evades this unfortunate creation
No roadmaps nor promises to faraway elation

Boredom at Berliner Dom

2010-07-26T14:40:00.000+02:00

Times have been very unusual of late. I have a summer break which gives me 3 weeks off from school. The last time I had a break this long was my post exam break in the penultimate semester of engineering which was almost 8 years ago in 2002. I started working the next day after giving my engineering finals , so I didn't get any off then. All through my work life I sadly had a maximum break of only a week. So now I don't know what to do with my time. My brain switches from extreme excitement to the pits of depression. I starve myself or eat like a maniac. I am a bit low on the cash and so looking for a flatmate and hence I can't leave Berlin till I have that happens. Its taking so long to find a flatmate its not funny. I have been updating websites abut my apartment daily but so far I have had one visitor only in the whole week. This despite my offering a fully furnished room in the heart of Berlin at a really nice price. When I came to this city an apartment like this would go in the matter of hours but as is always the case with me things have to get messy. So now I respond to queries from people all day, and they fix a time with me to visit my place but never arrive. This is what has been frustrating me last week like mad. I can't plan much, spend much, have to stay alone in Berlin when all others are busy vacationing at some exotic places. I get bored, try to better my German skills, keep refreshing the email hoping someone has replied to my online ads and read up all the crap on the internet about frivolous bullshit like mood chocolates. Apparently some Belgian company has this range of exotic chocolates for every mood. I would like to try those once some unsuspecting fool decides to pay me rent to live in the second room in my spacious house. I watch stupid reality TV shows on MTV, like Next, Jersey Shore, A shot at love and Fist of Zen. By the way, I like Fist of Zen. It is crude but so funny. All others I watch since in a trade-off between Spongebob and spongy girly things in bikinis there is only one obvious choice... Its just the boredom

The ridiculousness of my current situation

2010-07-25T19:03:00.000+02:00

Shitmagnet!

2010-07-24T18:00:00.000+02:00

I despise every minute, hate every passing second. No way out of this mess, tried tried and tried! But its the same story everyday.. Pure pointlessness! I don't know what to do about this anymore. Ridiculousness has reached new levels. It seems whenever I really want something the universe conspires to fuck it up. I am ok with that too. I have adjusted to boring routines in the past quite successfully, but just when I find my boring comfort zone suddenly I get a glimpse of something good, reluctantly let the elements work their magic and then sit and wonder once the story ends. There really seems to be no concept of lasting peace of mind for me. If I exist solely to be taken the piss out of, then flush me down the fucking toilet. Why all the big hopes and then the inevitable shatter despite my having done everything in powers. I am so damn weary of everything now...........

Balls

2010-07-23T16:53:00.000+02:00

Bury me, burn me, crush me, throw me, stab me, shoot me, poison me..... there are so many options, so why can't you end the torture!

Shall I stay or would it be a sin ?

2010-07-20T09:00:00.001+02:00

There was a line in a book i read, about the critical moment of will. It is akin to the Ezekiel 25:17 (or whatever) in pulp fiction when Samuel Jackson says that it only the brave and courageous who attempt to go against the tide even when the odds are heavily stacked against them. Then I saw the film Up in the air some time back and my mind goes back to George Clooney's 'Imagine you have a bag on your shoulders' speech, where he mentioned that put your house, car, perks etc in that bag and then it is so heavy that you can't move. He also makes a speech about putting your relationships in the baggage but then says that if you can't move due to these relationships it is worth just standing there then. So I am confused, how can I be brave if the Bible says one thing and the Rabbi Clooney tells me to move only if the price to pay is strictly material. I also don't understand why I need to give up material things for now so that I can probably have more material things in the future. Which really brings me to the question, is weighing down really weighing you down if it is taken in the right perspective ? Do I auto qualify for cowardice if I choose to stay at one spot because of factors important to me. There is no way out is there, if I stay at one spot I would be called a coward (which is not sexy enough), however if i choose to forgo something important I would be termed an escapist, which definitely sounds sexier but in pure conceptual terms escapism is a fancier version of cowardice. Why I wonder ? Why is it that when i think coward, i think of someone stranded in their own little unkempt room, watching tv and disconnected from he outside world ? And why is it that the term escapist brings do mind a more chiseled version of the same face with a 2 day old stubble walking along a lonely beach wearing loose white khakis ? It has to be the advertising media!
Then I heard a fancier term called disengagement during one of my lectures in class. People were being classified according to their negotiation techniques and one person was supposedly the least disengaged as per the test metrics. I believe that disengagement is not the best method but it is good to cool things down if the heat gets too annoying. It is in a way temporary escapism. When this least disengaged person was asked , why does he not believe in it, he replied with a food metaphor :' You can't half bake a cake can you '. I thought is he really a jerk or should i apply the onion principle of peeling the outer layers to get to that pure white core. The thought of bringing tears to my eyes in the process quickly made me arrive at the conclusion that food metaphors are the stupidest justifications. Because you can't half bake a cake, but you can half fry/boil an egg, or prepare a steak rare, medium or well. It is the same with the onion principle as i discussed in one of my older postings. There are so many ingredients and so many cooking mechanisms that a counter argument readily exists. Sorry for shallow frying your minds, I am on a low fat diet and oil is expensive!

Dirty Fellow - Prt 1

2010-07-07T07:53:00.000+02:00

It was a welcome break. I started this journey of mine to the mysterious oriental side of the planet on a not so perfect note. It was the last day of a module and I got hammered drunk the night before the flight. I woke up to a pretty colleague of mine wandering about my apartment trying to wake me up since we had just 20 minutes before the airport cab arrived.I was wondering what had transpired the night before since I couldn't remember a thing and why the hell was she in my apartment. i first peeked under the sheets to check that I was still dressed in jeans, and then asked her the details. She explained that since I was so smashed the night before, they were confident that I would miss the flight. So she had stolen my apartment keys just so that she could wake me up. How sweet I thought and did my packing/brushing/face washing/ generous deodorant application in 15 minutes and headed down to catch the cab.
We caught the Lufthansa flight from Berlin to Frankfurt where we had a stop over of about 6 hours or so.We ate lunch , roamed about the city a bit, fell asleep on the grassy patches near the river and headed back to catch the 11 hour all nighter from Frankfurt to Shanghai. Lufhansa, has my vote for the most terrible airline. No in seat TV screens, ugly air hostesses and no free tooth brushes to rid your mouth of the early morning stench! We reached The Ritz Carlton Shanghai at 12 in the afternoon and it was gorgeous. I went to my room and spent a couple of hours in the batch tub with sea salts and music courtesy the speaker the bathroom which relayed the music u played in ur living room. They had an ipod speaker deck and i was smitten immediately.
We proceeded to a typical Chinese dinner at 6 in the evening, comprising frogs, pork, chicken feet, mushroom stems, veggies you have never heard of and heads of chicken, fish, etc. I ate very little :), and got my ass out of there as soon as possible. We then moved to the area of the city called 'The Bund'. It means ass in Hindi and for sure the asian booty looked hot as hell there. It is the most upmarket area of Shanghai, with the harbour, the famous dazzling skyline and a sea of humanity you could look down upon. The height difference makes u feel like God sometimes. We searched for a place to spend the evening in and chose this place called Sky Bar, which was on the 7th floor o a building with a Giorgio Armani Showroom at the ground level. It was a perfect place , with a perfect view and we enjoyed the night slowly as the service was slow and the beer was expensive. It felt good and I felt blessed that I made it thus far considering my far from ideal situation the morning before. I drank very little but felt great!

Bell and Bottom

2010-06-16T20:59:00.000+02:00

In the heat of the moment
In the passage of time
In every breath, across every line
I may have crossed my limits
But it always felt sublime
Things have a way of catching up
Averaging out what has been divine
Another upswing, another tumble
Can't find words , as usual I mumble
Another fall from grace won't make me humble
Dust Off, move on,
A fast track ad has more grey cells
Why is it me?
For whom perpetually toll the bells!

Minimum Bras

2010-06-03T20:35:00.000+02:00

The end is near. I am catching my laboured last breaths before the farce is done with. All the time I have experienced life slowly slip away. It has switched between unbearable lightness of being and joyful weightlessness. This is life , but not as we want to know it. It is illogical and can only happen at certain culturally and traditionally fucked up locations. But I was cursed with it as I am traditionally cursed with everything. I have to struggle for everything and thats how it will be no matter where I go. I don't see the point. I have nothing left to gain from the struggle. Minimum Bras are daft bastards!

Dialled Out

2010-05-23T13:46:00.000+02:00

Without cash or clue
The fluff sticks to this Muppet
With super strong glue
Scraping the surface
Is a burdensome idea
Never out of coverage
And the battery life of a Nokia
The miles that separate
Should make 4 happy
But what should Daddy do?
When 1 plays mommy
and the other perennially wets its nappy
The laws prohibit lighting a doobie
So Daddy simply joins Kaiser Chefs
When they sing Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!!

Love Strategy

2010-05-02T16:28:00.000+02:00

Porter's Analysis of my love life :
Entry Barriers : As long as its a hot woman, none. so about 10% of the population qualifies.
Buyer Power : Medium (Beggars sometimes can be choosers :))
Supplier Power : Ladies, cheap lingerie is okay so don't worry too much :).
Threat from Substitues (Ahem) : Very High. Sometimes the Total Cost of Ownership makes me more inclined to substitutes.
Rivalry : Non existent at this moment. If the supply exceeds the demand the winner will be decided using the time proven hot tub jello fight method.

Overall very high profitability. The industry is an undifferentiated zeropoly, so ladies take the first mover advantage !

Kulturbrauerai

2010-04-11T21:40:00.000+02:00

Its the end of the spring break and it has been a welcome time, these last 10 days. I just got back from watching alice in wonderland in 3d and I quite liked it. Have managed to see shades of Berlin I hadn't seen due to the treacherous schedules us poor students hhave to put up with. Yesterday there was something called 'Lange nacht die Oper und Theater' which basically means you can travel around the city and watch unlimited theater programs and shows till one in the night for a paltry sum of 10 euros. So I managed to watch the blue man show, an opera, a ballet, a dance show, some classical music concert and a giant party afterwards. It was exhausting yet exhillirating. The opera bored me honestly :) but the other shows were quite nice. I especially recommend the Blue man Show and something called as Qui show to everyone. These are international events and every region has its own version. They are really worth seeing. Have explored better parts of Berlin like Prenzlauer Berg and Shonhauser Allee which have lots of the cafe culture, artsy bits and the intellectual stuff :). Most importantly have arranged all the furniture to arrive at my appartment next weeekend , so finally I can get guests to my house which is just a dumpyard now but will be transformed soon. So any of the limited selection of readers planning to visit this city of awesomeness, you can contact me. The next module looks quite tough and we have lots of work to finish in the coming weeks. But my mind is ready

What made Peter Parker angry?

2010-04-02T12:42:00.002+02:00

The web of uncertainty was finally taking shape. He didn't understand if he was the spider or the fly. The situation was a consequence of a set of things set into motion as a result of his own actions. But he didn't know if circumstances had wound the web around him or if he was plain stupid and now unwittingly masochistic. But one thing was certain! He had to come unstuck and set himself free. On one hand, he had found his comfort zone or in fancy terms his own tiny world comprising his miniscule cubicle in the monstrosity he called office, enough salary to live an okayish life, an awesome relationship that was going nowhere, a great circle of friends who lacked ambition and his shady spots of escape in his hometown. On the other hand, he was a Rolling Stones fan. He couldn't get no satisfaction.

Things didn't seem this bad six months ago. He was in the Land of Plenty, working at the premises of a top MNC as a contractor. The harbour was a stone's throw away from his place and every morning he would take a walk along the shore or üfer as he now calls it. There was always a spring in his stride, much like the national animal of his La La Land. That probably was his escape or the controversial 'fix' he needed to continue what he was doing and feel good about it. But then the global markets crumbled and the so called economic correction cost him his assignment. He was transported back from Kangaroo land to the transformed confines of his suddenly modernized hometown. Modernity is not always good and unplanned expansion is a nightmare. But amidst the roast like a toast heat and traffic snarls long enough to make a clean shaven face resemble chicken taro's nest he was finding his bearings. He knew more people here than anywhere on the planet. But that was the only saving grace. His job sucked and his attempts at working against the orthodox mindsets of the Self Appointed Marriage Consortium of population nation bore no fruit.

He needed to make a change, even if it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you need to get rid of the weariness of attitude inertia. He was angry, but had noone else to blame. This started getting reflected in his day to day life. He would use filthy abuse at errant motorists, scream at waiters in restaurants if his demands weren't met, act snappy at anyone who so much as cast a shadow on his white shoe tips. He wasn't himself annymore and was afraid that he might become this overbearing hateworthy lifeform.

He felt it was time to clear the web and thought about the spider metaphor on his life for a while. Someone told him that you must think of yourself as a caterpillar and not a spider, and that the situation should be treated as an exoskeleton which would come off and voila, you'd be a butterfly. It was a ridiculous thought as per his chauvinistic standards. He thought he'd be way cooler being called a spider than a butterfly. Butterflies simply aren't masculine enough! So he needed to find own metaphor. He needed resurrection but first he needed some walls to be torn down. 'What better than the reunited city which has had a history of the wall being torn down and it now rocks?'. It somehow felt right and fit in with his plans about what he wanted to do with his career.

Now that the wall has come down, will he be able to resurrect himself effectively? Is the right foundation being laid and are the right materials being used? It certainly feels so now and he hopes he will be proved right in the end. He needs the city and hopefully the city needs him too!

Pils before shine

2010-03-25T18:55:00.002+01:00

All the cokes are gone
So downing shots on the go
My throat is burning
But the booze must flow
I so need to get wasted this starry night

Spring is here,
Beer gardens by the daytime
With the river flowing
Pizzas in the sunshine
Boats ease by as I laze around, simply watching

I am sitting on the easy chair
This hour the world has no care
I could just teleport myself if I had to
I am sitting on an easy chair
Huge sunglasses avoiding the glare
I could just sip on this Pilsener all day long

When 'there' is glow, here is no flow

2010-03-24T18:49:00.004+01:00

2 months from now
3 years ago
This same very day
Every month gave a new ray

Now the glaciers seem to have melted
The water frozen on my mind
Like a stalctite I stand
Chipped away piece by piece
No peace of mind, no luck on the horizon
No auto defrost to warmer crimzons

All efforts to progress
Halted by the rock
Neither form , nor wind, nor sun kind enough
Even though I really need to go,
I just can't seem to find my flow

Its getting late but I dont mind

2010-03-20T18:36:00.003+01:00

Memories, that creepy dance track by David Guetta is all I seem to hum this day. This is what happens when its the first track you listen to in the morning on TV and then it goes on and on in your head. Last week it was Replay by Iyaz, and instead of my eyeballs by vocal chords seemed to be stuck on Replay. But this morning I saw the ultimate seduction lineup in a music video, Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce, so hot both of them are. I kinda like Lady Gaga's attitude, her bikini clad hot bod definitely plays on certain heuristics of mine, but overall she's got spunk and a groovy ass. Beyonce looks a bit jaded in comparison in this video atleast, but as us admirers of the willow game can vouch, 'form is temporary , class is permanent', so I can still expect more tantalizing stuff from her in the future. But after this , I saw the Shakira getting in on with Rafael nadal in some new music video. Noone shakes like shakira can, but she was more subdued in this one. Nevertheless, her soft gyrations instead of the pelvic thrusts were super and I loved the transparency displayed in her attire. And this is now a tough act to follow, so like the Fiat 500 MTV decided that 'Sometimes to move forward , you need to take a step backwards' and guess whom did it pull outta its Hat? It was none other than the bohemian chic elegance of Gwen Stefani. I was so happy. Gwen Stefani is someone I have had a crush on since childhood and somehow she has looked identical all through. Timeless beauty that, I was secretly hoping for Jennifer Lopez to feature as well with that video in which she is on a laptop and goes underwater and stuff. Can't recall the song but the video is etched in my memory. But that didn't happen and suddenly there was James Blunt singing I've been neutered, so I promptly shut off the TV and considered stepping out in this double digit temperature. But my eyes ell on some fruit and Heffe beer mix, 3 out of the 6 pack were still left, so since I didn't want them to expire I gulped down three of them standing in my balcony looking at the light drizzle in the courtyard and then another verse started to take shape in my head: 'All I can say is my life is pretty plain, I like watching the puddles gathering'. So with that sudden change in attitude I just wasted the morning switching between songs on my laptop, songs of TV and occassional Vitamin N excursions to the balcony. It felt good and easy!

Analog Retentive

2010-03-15T18:11:00.004+01:00

I wish there was a clone too.. seriously and not mine. The mind controlling and all the jazz I don't believe in, is a process I am a part of. I can't help it. It looks like the Another Brick In the Wall Video. Where we fall in at one end and come out as mincemeat at the other side. God knows I am trying so hard. If there was a male version of faking it, I am the live example. But I also try to find peace in small things. I force myself to get attracted and enjoy the process. I feel like I am an actor in a movie. The world is my stage and I act like a normal happy part of it. I spend only one percent of my life within the confines of my house.I just don't want to be left alone cause I know I will mess my mind up. So I watch TV shows all day, sitting at uni. I go out each Friday night and drink like a maniac, but then attend German classes on Saturdays, after which I stroll across the city with anyone who is ready to. I follow a study routine for Sundays and do it for about 13 hrs. All the furniture I bought is still lying packed. I havent been at home long enough to do anything about it. Sometimes I can't help dreaming and seeing that familiar face despite trying to force some other face into it as a replacement. I also call out names from the past to people in my present. And nowadays it rains and it brings back the best memories. The monsoon makes me happy but also very nostalgic and I feel powerless so often. Sadly I have taken to nicotine much more. But it is already tapering off since it is unaffordable for me. So the restrictions piss me off too. I wonder if it would have been easier if I was richer but I know that is mere specualtion and far from the truth. This is a process which will take its toll and it is already but it will happen nevertheless and I have unwittingly surrendered to the circumstances to dictate.

Merde!

2010-03-07T18:39:00.003+01:00

And then it happened. I managed to avoid a hattrick of passouts on weekly friday outings. The last two weeks had been crazy with me managing to catch a nap even in highly techno clubs. But this week was different. Everyone else caught their naps and I had been awake through the night and then helped my more inebriated friends catch breakfast on the way and get home. The secret is not the levels af alcohol consumption, its more to do with how fresh you are. The last coupla weeks had been super tough with the MBA studies on at fullthrottle and me having to move houses, buy furniture and also having to deal with certain personal issues. This week my mind was more relaxed although not in a better mood but still it wasn't overworked. I guess this single fact helped me be more in control of myself and the rest of the world. I felt like the old me was back. It was like the dark passenger having left Dexter and then having come back to help him through his pursuits.

So yesterday I didn't do much. Watched the Big Bang Theory all day and walked to Alexanderplatz, which is the coolest and closest part of town for me. Walked into the monstrous mall called Alexa and passed the lingerie shops to catch a glimpse of the Heidi Klummish models posing in the latest offerings. I must say I was pretty impressed and have more respect for the shade called indigo now. Then there was a rock show going on somewhere and I whiled away a precious 90 min there. This further motivated me to get back to my artsy pursuits and I walked into a book shore with a select collection of English books and picked up something called Dial M for Merde, yes its set in the south of France and somehow France and I have an unending relationship. Its been a constant factor in my life although most other things change. I quite despise it but then again, its there and I have become comfortable with the frenchie stuff, like my FCUK jacket and the fries. Consequently, VIP are probably signing me up as their latest underwear model. And that should be good since once again I have lost a few kilos as I do when I am away from the motherland. This proves a basic fact that its just home cooked food that makes you fat. Junk food actually is healthy and so much yummier.

Otherwise the snow has melted and Berlin looks green now but the winds have picked up crazily. So I still shiver in the lonely cold on those stray occassions when I get out of bed to get coffee and croissant on weekend mornings. Else I have pretty much internalized my operations and the cold is not a major factor anymore, so I sometimes walk out underdressed without realizing what the skies have in store for me. This has made me more adaptable. The first coupla times I would go almost numb. But now I have much more cold tolerance. Sometimes we get glimpses of the sun and its funny to see a friend of mine from a colder country at such times. Like a small child she just rushes out and wants sun all over her face and me being the stoic , sick of the sun Indian couldn't care less for the sun. I like the temperatures being comfortable but sunshine is not my priority.

Anyways hope the sun shines on all our individual isles and we continue to prosper without getting too tanned. I still have to buy aviators but this student life leaves me with very limited cash flows and at the moment this seems like a very unlikely investment. I guess I have to start enjoying the sun on my face too.

Snap

2010-02-26T10:50:00.003+01:00

There is no justice. Its what I have learnt the hard way. Funnily enough I am dressed for the occasion too, with a suit, tie n stuff. The show must go on I believe and the mask will have to be worn permanently now. My own version of behind blue eyes I guess, only that mine are a different shade. Some are satin, some are steel, some are gold and some are silver, these are faces of the stranger that I'm forced to try on. More forced smiles and drunken disguises to follow. I guess I have entirely myself to blame, but it may also be a case of hindsight bias. Its stretched to a point that I don't know any more. It finally had to give way against stronger pressures. I would have loved if it would have snapped back and hit the faces of the perpetrators too, but its not the case. Its defeat, all out, trampled over, trounced or whatever you choose to call it. But its not a sport so I don't remain gracious in defeat too. The sun is out too and its the perfect excuse to hide behind huge aviators. I am gonna get me one.

I have a dream

2010-02-20T17:35:00.003+01:00

The city is great and so are the people. Studies are going fine too. Just wish that the one thing that I really want does happen. Am hungover in typical Saturday fashion. Lotsa drinking last night and good times. Another passing out experience I had. But there is the lingering feeling of an unfulfilled dream that continues and I need that dream to be a reality. When u really want something the universe is supposed to conspire to make it happen, according to an overrated author of our times. I don't see any such conspiracy but I hope it is going on somehow. This dream is good for the world in general and the world does need it. So happen! Please!

Slaughterhouse Floydian

2010-02-09T19:15:00.004+01:00

Its still a whirlwind. Dunno whats up. Things seem dizzy and I feel like prey. In a spin, no amount of Vitamin C and Vitamin N seem to help. Feeling hot in sub zero temperatures. Numbness of body and mind. Eyes seem to see permanent neon flashes. Things appear and go. Am under no substance influence but feel like it. Floyd sounds slower, words fall on the ears and bounce away. Life seems like a string of dyslexic moments but I can spell alright. The echoes of a different time come willowing across the sands and everything is green and submarine. Focus seems like a luxury. Too many interwined thoughts and everything once again feels like half a page of scribbled lines. Suspended Animation but no state of bliss. Don't have the energy to even walk alright. Wish I could just float to another time and place. Nothing seems to matter. Feel like a puppet in the hands of a drunk controller. Strangely the Ipod shuffles to the same song that played when it all started. Is this some kind of divine irony about having come a full circle. The Gods must be crazy!

Gutwrenched

2010-02-09T06:54:00.002+01:00

Something is gone. Something that was my reason for a lot of other things. The voice in my head. The soft hands that carried me through times of extreme crises. The smile that made me want to be a better person. Probably the last real hope for my soul. Now I stand richer in experience but much much poorer overall. I don't feel like anything now. I wish I was a turtle. I want to go back into my shell and hibernate. Everything suddenly seems so pointless. I guess I will turn into an atheist again in just a week. If there was a god he should have probaly left me freezing in a ditch for the night but sorted this situation out in the fair way. Once again hypocricy seems to be at its peak. And my love for my motherland ? It is a hatred more violent than ever. It really is an unfortunate place with unfortunate ideas. And I am convinced that poverty and education are not to blame. The educated are worse than the uneducated ones. I hate it and am really unfortunate to have been born there. Don't blame the policticians too. 80% of the population is made of fuck ups , so we do get what we deserve. I shall only be looking for shallow convenience now on. It is the best path for me. I tried more than anyone would have bet on me, more than I would have bet on myself. But the rocket has taken off, the ship has sailed, this bird has flown.

Encore

2010-02-06T21:09:00.003+01:00

The night was young and the air was chilly. We were having Pizza from an Italian Deli. Then the Pilsners opened , the wines flowed. I wrote a paragraph when poetry was the way to go. We got hunkier, the women got prettier. The unified city was covered in snow. Down the cotton candy paths we marched with glee. Slipped a little, talked a little, made fun of the ducks in the frozen Spree. Safety in numbers , we thought we had. The bouncers didn't agree, so we found a new place to pee. 3 Rounds of Heffe, with generous doses of the 'Vitamin C'. Stimulating Converstaion, Cheers in chorus, A night to remember but my memory was porous. Desperate efforts to reconnect the dots, thankfully was found after getting lost. Woke up next morning in my own bed! Nothing short of a miracle, like someone once said. Still didn't have to, but then it would be odd Not an atheist any longer, I believe in God!

The Mortel Code

2010-01-30T19:12:00.002+01:00

So I have finally done away with my beloved Moto Z3. It just started misbehaving in the morning going wild with switching applications, pressing numbers itself, and basically throwing itself in a tizzy. Much like the state I imagine i must´ve been in last night before the blackout. Thanks to some good natured colleagues I was back in the warm confines of my temporary abode. Had a lot of Heffeweißen which is just a super beer. The funny thing is just the night before, I was watching 'How I met your Mother' and there was this episode on the Mortel code, Mortel is the African American guy in Lethal Weapon, who keeps saying 'I am too old for this stuff' and these guys make a list of things they are too old for. I guess going by the after effects I should probably start making my own Mortel Code too. Its the thought that counts, coz I know I will do the stuff irrespective of how old I think I am for it, much like our dear friend Mortel.
So bought a Nokia this time, when in europe boost the european economy , is my 'Moto' :). Still getting used all the touchy feely screen and jazz. Also checking out applications I am sure I have no need for but like a true victim of Marketing, I shall cultivate such needs in the near future. Got a ton of stuff to prepare for next week and I shall be watching Sherlock Holmes tommorrow. Now I have got to prioritize and conquer. Least effort and maximum results is the intention. Gotta find the comfort zone in life, the non-proverbial sweet spot of the golf club, but firstly I have got to find a house :), something I can call my home for the next few months. All this moving, packing, adhering, abiding, blah blah blah! I am too old for this stuff !

Bangers und Mash

2010-01-22T20:41:00.003+01:00

Solitary confinement with a couch n closet
Drilling next door , one of those yourselves do it
Unity in diversity, exquisite example
Hammer and tongs afar, this squishy heart and an apple

Wochenende not schones, neither roof on the kopf
Schnee relentless, zu kalt meinen leben aus
Was kann I then do fur der rot to stem
Kein bier, kein wein kann mein condition gut gemacht

Stronger ???

2010-01-21T21:21:00.003+01:00

Heylos mi amigos y amigas y mi bonita novia! So I am a week old MBA student now and the thing is on in full swing. I have been just about managing to stay afloat and i know fully well, that in order to excel I need to Scuba Dive instead of the snorkelling I´ve been upto. Still managing well however! Have been quite attentive and active in class though, which is good. In many such sessions I just heard the phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger ! ". My thoughts spiralled right to that exhilirating Bank Robbery Scene from "The Dark Knight" where the Joker says something similar : "What doesn't kill you makes you stranger" and then leaves a bomb in the mouth of that cool drug addited dude from Prison Break and walks away from the scene. And then, taking into account the "Why so serious ?" nature of the classroom I let the caterpillar of thought stay right there in its cocoon but a different butterfly then metamorphosed into my head. My mind went back to the close to death experiences I'd been part of. Like the one near our beloved Pune University where some cheap car dented mine and like a true blue Puneite I shouted all expletives involving near and dear ones and thought about driving away. Only, that the guy in the other car slowly got out of his and then opened my passgenger door and got in and kept a knife at my throat. Well I was scared shitless to say the least. My tone changed from abuse to apology and then to pleading and I was almost about to get to grovel when my cries were finally heard and he left me. I always lock all the doors of my car ever since then. I keep the windows up and drive with the AC on always irrespective of the weather outside, only so that some cunt doesn't climb into my car and repeat the same. But this really is fear, and not strength I believe. I guess this has made me smarter and not stronger. Given a choice, I would travel with a gun always, but even that means that I would just have offensive superiority over someone and am not necessarily stronger, atleast emotionally. I guess anyone who values life will always try to avoid a near death experience he/she has been part of and this is just escapism and not strength. Any experience that makes you tougher in my opinion is practise, and that too in a controlled environment(otherwise u might injure urself and be invalid for life), and this is what an MBA course essentially is. On the other hand consider zigzagging ur way through an absolutely indisciplined bunch of traffic really fast. Initially, you might feel that it is risky and life threatening, but soon you get used to it and do it regularly. Infact it becomes almost like a reflex. Until one day ur new found confidence fucks u up and you have that inevitable crash. So in this case "What didn't kill you once comes back to haunt you from somewhere ?" and for some time it had lulled you into complacency which is suddenly shattered in the span of a few seconds. All the strength you thought you had was just a facade. As they say death is inevitable , so the law of averages does catch up with everyone. So, what probably needs alteration is my definition of strength. I guess strength really is all about being able to zigzag through obstacles consistently and accurately for a huge span of time. Whoever does that longer than his contemporaries is the stronger man!

Ach Berlin!

2010-01-18T19:48:00.002+01:00

So finally after all the last minute hassles and unforseen misadventures, here I am sitting in arguable the cultural capital of the world. Am still in a tight spot on quite a few things but somehow I feel happy. Maybe its just the start of the MBA so my mood curve is at its peak, but whg atever it is its good. I have gotten accustomed to the snow now, and am able to deal with climatic conditions I never imagined I'd have to handle with significant ease now. So its good. The people in the city are nice and helpful and so are the people in my institute. Had a welcome party sorta thing last friday and it was the best party I had in quite some time. I felt the dark passenger chuckling inside again. The winter fashion is so cool and the stuff i am wearing is quite unhip but on a student budget i can't afford the designer stuff available here. maybe i need to starve a bit and save the cash over the next few days to get this sorted. I bought a laptop, its the first time in my life that I own one. Earlier ones have been company sponsored and my earlier efforts have taken shape from the humble desktop at my house. Went in for a vaio and so any tiny hope that I had of buying one of those uber cool winter coats have gone for a temporary toss. Have bought face creams and hand ceams and all the jazz I never used to date since my face starts looking like the recent Ferozeshah Kotla pitch otherwise due to all the dryness from this cold. Have roamed around multiple times, got lost crazy amount of times and have felt like I shall get paralyzed by the cold on numerous occassions too. But am alright now. Not comfortably numb but suitably dumb I guess, blissfully ignorant by choice and feel thats the ideal way to deal with life. Have had only beer even in this cold :), and eaten crazy amounts of junk food. My recent fascination is with the Curry Wurst, its so desi that i felt i was having pig chaat. anyhoo, the quest for my european abode is still on, so any pointers or help in my direction will be much appreciated and met with eternal gratefulness (cheap student). So, bitte helfen sie mir !

Then...

2009-12-25T06:42:00.003+01:00

Eternal Boredom and Frustration seems to be engulfing. The year has been really tough and the start of the new one is now gonna be peppered with another undertaking I don't wanna be part of, but will end up being. It seems like the heaven is showering more disconcerting events than raindrops these days. All my plans of what to do with the break after work have gone for a toss. If I'd known this was in store for me, I'd have continued working till the last day before I left. I have lost all interest in my future plans courtesy this short time with scores of fuck ups. I am not excited, rather am more disillusioned with each passing second. All fronts are fraught with disaster. I don't know what to say or do. I have left it all to chance. Sick of all the attached strings, the bones in the kebabs and the peanuts in this chocolate. If this is gonna be the story of life then...........

Maintaining Balance

2009-12-19T11:09:00.003+01:00

Not flustered by challenges, I continue to fire in the direction I find the easiest. Am not the sort of person who would hone my skills and practice my aim. I would rather shift the targets, or better still redefine them as per my convenience. The sort of person who aligns the needs of the world to meet his own rather than believe in the crap we are fed about understanding other issues and adjusting yourself according to them. Its just a simple concept of changing the constants. The world will move neither forward nor back, it will continue to spin around its axis , so why bother to go with the flow when the flow will take you anyway. So float, fool , lie , deceive, do whatever you can and have to, to keep your sanity. People will believe anything said with confidence. Its just a matter of who can buy his/her time in the chill-zone the longest. All that the last man standing ever achieves is the distinction of being buried when none of his colleagues are fit to watch. But he does crumble. Its not the act of committing the crime which is a crime, its the guilt. For , if it wasn't for guilt and associated societal emotions, nothing can be classified as crime. All that crime really is, is basically rearranging. Like somehow the world felt like trying out a new look, and the thugs were given the task of shifting certain commodities and eliminating some. Maybe, that's why we often see the biggest thugs living long fruitful lives, since they are not criminals according to nature , in the first place. They were just helping out and serving a purpose.

InterToilet Tadpole

2009-12-17T12:56:00.003+01:00

I leap, I soar! I can fly, I can swim! But the air is stinky and I run the risk of being caught in a whirlpool every-time I land. Yet I try, my fate I can't seem to accept! I will be a frog and not a bird. Its the warts I have and not the wings. My legs are long but I'm no supermodel. Anywhere they'll ever get will be in a soup. Yes I am a delicacy in South East Asia!

7th Year Itch

2009-12-13T09:19:00.003+01:00

Been an eventful week. Just finished my last working day with Infy. After 6 years , its funny that I don't feel anything. I don't have love, neither hate. I am ok about it, probably since I served out my entire notice period, the excitement was lacking. But its a closed chapter now, and I look forward to other adventures from hereon.
Have just attended another wedding, a south Indian one, which is such a stark contrast from our North Indian fares. It seemed as quiet as a book signing function or something. But, twas alright. Some people are getting married and some people are being made to look like Cats out of the Bag in-spite of being named Tiger. I like the word transgressions though. A mess up, or affair sounds so demeaning. Transgression is more like a minor detour, nothing to worry about sorta term. Poor Guy's wife isn't buying it though. Seems he'd have to give up Golf to make his marriage work
Anyway after that transgression, lets focus the attention back to moi. Don't know what to do with all this time. Suddenly after 6 yrs of being subjected to daily demands, I have nothing to do. Its good and I did need this, and I hope I have a good time during this phase.

Czech Wonder

2009-12-05T13:57:00.003+01:00

Staring in awe at your awesomicity

You are perfectly toned and limitless, My vertical infinity

Your description exhausts words beyond a point

Pardon Me if I invent some of my own,

Gorgeousness and Gorgeousity being cases in point

You give me a high like no spirit can

I can lay without cigarettes

Even after Cupid kicks the can

Feathery touches and silken caresses titillate to such an extent

Thank god for undergarments, else my shorts’d resemble a tent

At once classical, at once Bohemian

My little Czech Wonder, with features Indian

Your latest hairdo or clips I may not be able to tell

But you know my love for thee, it continues to swell

Our choices may differ about varieties of food

Thank god for Italian, it gets us both in the mood

The numerous Chardonnays and its after effects

You are cuter than ever with your little tantrum acts

The whole of Europe I may roam

What I really want is , My little Czech Wonder

In the comfort of my home

Naarth!

2009-11-29T15:09:00.002+01:00

Dead tired but remarkably refreshed
Back from the land where battles ruled the roost
Where the people are gaudy
And the condoms are called Mens Boost

Also paid a visit to the planned Union Territory
My ears are still ringing
Courtesy the noise of Bhangra Frenzy

The only saving grace being the capital of nation
Twas a place I never yet liked
But adore now, for many an apparent reason
Never imagined it was this gorgeous before
Big Chill, Turtle, Flavors, yeh Dil Maange More

Kurbaan

2009-11-21T15:47:00.002+01:00

This supposedly sensitive cinema dealing with the after effects of 9/11 is getting a bit too annoying with one in every 3 movies depicting how America has ruined the paths of many a youth. If New York was daft, this is even dafter. I guess Fanaa is the only movie which was worse than this. To deviate from the topic, Aamir has made such irritating movies over the last few years that his thinking actor tag is just nauseating. Raja Hindustani, Fanaa, Ghajini, Mann, Mela, etc being points in this case. Even the promos of 3 idiots have him showing more expressions than Jim Carrey did with the special effects in Mask.
Coming back to Kurbaan : Supposed Spoiler Alert (although trust me, it can't be spoilt further) :
So Saif wants to get into America via a legal channel. So he comes to India from Afghanistan, changes his name from Khalid to Ehsaan, makes Kareens (named Avantika) fall in love with him coz she has a green card. Firstly, why call urself Ehsaan ? Giving himself a Hindu name would've made things simpler and spared us that dumb scene of Kareena's father showing his displeasure and helplessness about the situation. Then there is Vivek Oberoi, who tries to sound like Salman Khan. He does even worse American Accent than Sallu Bhai does. Maybe Abhishek will be the best at it.
Despite all these daft bits in the storyline, it still turned out to be watchable for a while since they kept the tension going. But then the climax, again was such a drag. With everyone "ham"ming , Kareena decided that pork is the flavor of the season and her cries of sorrow sounded like oinks of some emotion only swines understand. Her next movie might be Salami Ishq or Ham Tum or an Ashutosh Gowariker Film called Sau Sage, a periodical in which Saif plays 100 roles, each of a sage from a different era and different part of the country and Kareena manages to break only some of their Tapasyas (to give it the realistic edge) and keeps trying until one fateful day when the seductive oinks stop weaving their magic and age catches up.
Of the performances, Saif gives deadpan expressions, Vivek makes faces that would defy all coefficients of elasticity, Kareena packs in a neat backless song, which is the only gratifying aspect of her performance. Kiron Kher does a career defining move. After ages of playing a Punjabi Mother, whe plays an Afghani Mother in this movie. She tries to talk like a Pathan and u can't help but chuckle even when she utters serious lines. Om Puri looks like he's been closing his eyes and eating with a fork. I think the filmmakers mistook pockmarked for battle scarred. So thats what this is. Its also a CMM level 5 movie. Saif keeps all documentations including maps and details of his plans in drawers of his study so that the auditors can't complain I suppose. The FBI is made to look like jokers. U would be tempted to call them Foolish Boneheads of Investigation after looking at their work in this movie. Anyways niff said, I spent 200 bucks for the ticket, I guess it would've been better watching Ajab Prem again.

True Nature's Child ?

2009-11-14T14:23:00.004+01:00

Just felt a tremor. Probably was an aftershock of some earthquake close by and that has jump-started me into writing this post. Am feeling good mentally but physically am definitely not at my supreme. Have had a lot of exertion this week, and the weekend routine of 8 hr language classes doesn't help this automobile that is very much over-due for a service. The awesome machinery that is my body requires the right amount of doing nothing to be able to embark upon its supposedly important pursuits in daily life. As a result of these unwanted deprivations, the journeys in life don't seem to be very exciting. Although the ends are being achieved and there is clearly jubilation over meeting some targets, there seems to be a clear monotony in the process. Its like going through the ordeals of sex only to enjoy the cigarette afterwards. I have never quite figured why cigarettes do feel so good at that moment but there are some combinations of things whose divinity has no explanation. Its pure bliss and will continue to be that way through the sands of time. Coming back to the topic of the engine overhaul needed : I need to go for a holiday all alone. But with the social calendar seemingly getting more n more demanding by the hour, this seems like a dream. The last proper vacation I took was in May 2008. After that its been non stop toil with work, gmat, applications, interviews, visa documentation , language courses, and social obligations slowly but surely combining to take the wind out of this soul. But here we are with a few loose screws and a dent here and there chugging along from highway to highway, sometimes overtaking, sometimes being overtaken, cursing along, getting abused, listening to freshly discovered music and appearing awake but probably sleepdriving through everything. May have been born to be wild, but am no more a child, the world seems too big to fit into my love embrace and its probably slipping through my fingers when I try my hand at it.

Lo que sea

2009-11-08T14:17:00.002+01:00

A Mi , mi Vida me parece esta sin Fin de la Semanas. Bebo mucho Cafe para despierta. Quiero estar tiempo libre. Pero me gusta mi vida y espanol. Ahorra me escucho una cancion : La Cucaracha :

Spanish	English
La cucaracha, la cucaracha,	The cockroach, the cockroach,
ya no puede caminar	can't walk anymore
porque no tiene, porque le falta	because it doesn't have, because it's lacking
marihuana pa' fumar.	marijuana to smoke.

Ya murió la cucaracha	The cockroach just died
ya la llevan a enterrar	and they carried him off to bury him
entre cuatro zopilotes	among four buzzards
y un ratón de sacristán.	and the sexton's mouse.

Muy Muy Divertda !!

Doppelganger

2009-10-31T13:41:00.002+01:00

Last nite we let the alter egos take over. Broke the pattern just for the sake of it. Wore printed Tees and felt ten years younger. Got refused entry in places and laughed about it. Rejected some chic places after entering coz they didn't fit in with our aspirations. Ate like maniacs, watched Dexter, cracked shady ones, heard music which we heard ten years ago courtesy the DJ at Kivas. After ages Summer of 69,Livin on a Prayer, Sweet Child Of Mine, Another Brick In the Wall part two and a host of other wannabe stuff sounded fun. Woke up early , had only cold coffee all day, just returned home now. Feels great, as they say:
Whiskey after Beer, No Fear!

Heavy

2009-10-24T03:35:00.002+02:00

Its been that sorta week. People have been quitting the company or going onsite or returning from onsite. Have had numerous heavy lunches as a result. Plus it being the festive season et all, have had heavy dinners and drinks as well. Am so sick of it all now that the sight of food makes me wanna throw up. All I want is just an ice tea or a large cold coffee I can sip through the day and not have to eat anything. But our Indian Audience folks never understand this and take it as some sign of stress and mental depression that their loving child doesn't wanna eat for a day or two. Too much dramas in this country man! Can't wait to get out and starve myself till I vanish !!

Inglorious

2009-10-17T04:30:00.002+02:00

'Have you watched Inglorious...? That is what most people stop at while inquiring if you have watched the latest Tarantino Firecracker at the cinemas. In India, we can't get ourselves to say Basterds in public. I have seen people do crazy things to avoid saying the name , but still convey their message. Take my German Class for example; the teacher asked "What movie have you watched this weekend?" An eager soul responded, "Yes I watched a movie at e-square. I forgot the name, but it was set in Nazi occupied France". How the hell can you forget the name of a movie you watched yesterday? Its better you give up on learning a language then I believe. However on hearing his response I couldn't help but laugh. When the teacher (who is also old and wouldn't have understood what film the guy watched), asked me what the reason for my outburst was , I smugly responded "I guess he watched Ghajini, so he forgot the name after 15 mins. He should probably click pics the next time ".
If you ask me, purely on dictionary meaning terms, a Bastard is just a victim of circumstances. There is no fault of his that he is the Bastard. The real bad-word should be "Bastard's Mom" or "Bastard's Pop", but like true legacy the child carries the societal disrepute although his folks literally fucked up. But now if you look at the way in which the term is used on a daily basis, it conjures up that anyone who is remotely connected with stuff that is illegal or unethical maybe called a Bastard. I guess the reason is that phonetically "Illegal" or "Unethical" don't have the same impact as "Bastard" does. Its similar to how everyone from an only child sans even cousins to a brother with dozen sisters is termed as "Bhenc*" in Hindi. It is all for the lack of a more impactful word.
Sometimes, people refer to each other as bastards even endearingly. Like in the movies, Robert De Niro (with his eyes half shut and smile half formed) might say to fellow Italian with a warm smile on his face " You dirty Bastard". The moment is so tender , you almost feel they might actually peck each other on the cheek now. Some people do refer to each other as Bastards just for the sake of it, because they believe that they are Bastards themselves for no real reason except some deep hatred for being termed as all good. This phenomenon is common in Punjab where everyone is a BhenC* or Bhen Da* atleast verbally.
I would say to sum it up " Some people are Born bastards, Some achieve Bastardness, while some have Bastardness thrust upon them". It is very difficult to remain out of all thse 3 categories as Greatness Excludes but Bastardness Includes!! So Happy Diwali Fellow Bastards! May the new year bring you Sexual Fulfilment, Sexual Prowess, Striking Good Looks, and Shitloads of Money!

Choose Ur Executioner

2009-10-13T07:22:00.005+02:00

They glare at me from every road's side. Filthy looking, mustached, their hands supposedly mocking a namaste, and that disgusting smile on their lips. The texts, sub texts, names etc written in languages I don't wanna understand and in colors that I don't wanna recognize. And then there are the symbols. Da Aaichi Code I suppose. Its kind of like our devotional system. One god has many faces (avatars). Similarly all they needed to make is a symbol of a butcher's knife, but they go about creating many avatars like an elephant that might trample us, a telephone whose wire they'd wring our necks with and then there is the palm, the open palm. It will cover our eyes, ears and mouths making us deaf dumb and blind in the process. Supposedly we should "See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil". That is precisely what the open palm has done throughout history. They have inundated us with so many problems over the years that all we see, hear and speak about are our immediate problems. This helps mask their shady dealings and evil deeds which they do with gay abandon, but then they don't claim too see them, hear them or talk about them. And then the time comes when they need us once again to continue with more of the same. They then announce ridiculous measures like so and so has switched to wearing Westside Undies instead of genuine jockeys , to prove that they are with the people during these recessionary times. If their wanton ways at road sides weren't sufficient , they have started inundating us with smses, calls, flyers at our doorsteps, etc which are equally irritating. Then there is a Jar which was a part of the Lab. But the Jar didn't like the treatment meted out to it in lab Conditions. So now its opted out of the lab, and has started storing vernacular reptiles, letting them out every now and then to spread their plague in the region. From mountain rats to independence seeking former Lab Rats, the region seems to have come a long way. I think we need an Aldo Raine of our own who would carve out disgusting rats on their foreheads before executing them. When will the Jar Break, the palm fold, the telephone go out of order and the elephant get de-tusked? Until then, the only choice we seem to have is to choose our way to go. But its also a choice we don't have to make :)..

High Spirits

2009-10-10T02:57:00.004+02:00

So whats wrong if I want to wear an Osho robe to sleep at night?Its loose and comfy and has no interference in certain areas.. But people construe it as some plunge I am taking into joining the commune. The thing is I don't even believe in communes or the concept of taught spirituality. Spirituality has to be an individual experience. If someone teaches you the path to Nirvana then its no point. Its like that cheat code in a videogame. U'll reach the next level but you would have that sinking feeling that you aren't good enough or ready for this. Maybe I am an alpha male who just doesn't like asking for directions in any form buy there are people I know who have joined art of living classes, vedanta and god knows what all. They swear by it , but i can see that they are probably as bad or even worse in their personal lives than all of us on the other side. Most of these things are like chain marketing. People join something and then feel they are doing something stupid so they promote it and hook on more unsuspecting lambs to the ordeal that they're going through. Once they have a sufficiently large number of member then they feel secure in the safety of numbers and start acting as some exclusive community and then start shunning off newer believers who then form their own clubs. Everything does and will get commercial whenever there are more persons involved, so spirituality is a journey that a person has to undertake himself/herself. To conclude I would say, the more distilled beverages (containing ethanol) you drink , the more 'Spirited' u get. So after that spirituality can't be far out , can it? I wonder why people avoid the obvious and take the more complex and winding and unending routes which extend well beyond their life spans. They probably want to become spiritual when they are actually spirits and not when they are full of spirits! Cheers to that!

Mein Kampf

2009-10-04T16:18:00.002+02:00

I have to be free. Mentally, physically , emotionally. But freedom cannot be achieved by running away. It is different from escapism. I have no control over some things and I am no God here. But still I believe, things will fall into place. Although I am no fan of Gandhi, ironically my life story seems to be that of Satyagraha. I do have more violent instincts, but those I haven't given vent to as yet. I hope I don't have to and I too achieve my independence through peaceful means, but someday if the "spot of bother" doesn't become the situation it's supposed to become, I might have to finish the bandits off myself. They seem to plunder everything that is beautiful, lively n real, and convert them into artificial doormats. Their sole mission seems to be that of replacing life by existence. The world can really do without such viruses. They're worse than Swine Flu, HIV, Cancer, etc.. but what's happened to the divine laboratory. No timely vaccinations for this one ? We need a selective holocaust to survive this pandemic.

Pack

2009-09-26T18:52:00.002+02:00

The wolves are raising their heads again
Howling in that familiar tune
The same old cacophony of supposed bliss
Giving into rituals and giving ur feelings a miss

Survival is the need of the hour
Its the end that matters and not the means
The machete needs to strike down deep
And Sever their heads without a squeak

SpanMan

2009-09-13T02:51:00.002+02:00

Well, that's the name a friend gave me last evening. The reason: I have done the unthinkable. I have joined Spanish and German classes simultaneously. So I am busy from 8.30 to 5 every Saturday and Sunday learning these languages one after another. Yesterday was the first day for German, whereas I have been learning Spanish , for a month now. I just hope I don't mix these two up and create a Nacho flavoured Frankfutter sorta lingo. I had to join German coz I will be going to Germany for an MBA this coming Jan and so I would be needing German to find a job there. Spanish, I had enrolled for when I had no such binding constraints. Anyways, gotta get ready now for my double date, so Hasta la Vista, Auf Wiedersehen, Danke Schon, Gracias!

Finally

2009-09-06T07:21:00.002+02:00

Some respite atleast. Though not the best possible outcome but still some minor silver linings atleast. Have a lot of work to do and still need the universe to make a lot of things happen, but I have a feeling that it will fall into place and after a long long time something feels right.

Luck Evaporation

2009-08-29T06:32:00.002+02:00

When I look at my life for the last 2 years , the landscape resembles that of a war torn Afghanistan with some littered kebab huts epitomizing minor happiness. It seems like lady luck instead of smiling is literally farting on my face. Steps taken forward keep sleepwalking back again, and down this road I've been so many times: In the words of Floyd. I guess I was better off a year and a half ago than I am now. Every major thing has ended in disappointment and disillusionment. Even Ram Gopal Varma has made some fuckall films which have turned out to be Hits , but my kismet seems to be nose diving with every passing day. I am really at a loss about what to do and how to get out of this rut. The hole seems to be getting deeper, the cracks seem to be widening, The Harbour Bridge seems to be collapsing. I just hope there is some resurrection, demonic or divine I don't give a damn about. I need and deserve something great and whether I get it by hook or by crook, I don't care. Like the double ended innuendo in cricket commentary "It doesn't matter how they come as long as the come " (Psst, it means runs and not what ur dirty minds are thinking)

Revolvers and Phony Systems

2009-08-23T04:03:00.002+02:00

It was one of those days again. Walked into the gates of the monstrosity with paradoxical sign boards. One of them had a blue background and its creamy white letters said "Sysfoni is a Polythene free". The one next to it had the same characteristically boring color scheme and it said " Say no to plastic bags to make Sysfoni polythene free". Now, I thought, if I need to say no to something, it should be right there with me. Else my saying no has no meaning. This meant Sysfoni could never be plastic free by its own contradiction at its gates. As usual it had a high flung aim, but it would always use its contradicting methods which would make a mess of our minds to ahieve it. They could have simply written "Please do not use plastic bags" or something. But the sort of company "Sysfoni" is , powered by ethics (ahem good o bad?), driven by values (dollar values precisely), it leaves the details to ur imagination. It is now supposedly the best place to work at in India and we are all wondering , what about the low wages, no overtime allowance, sidey food, bad transport, compulsory 9.25 working hrs, and lack of parking spaces. We really would like to know , who was on this survey board, who was interviewed and who was the competition. Or is it simply the one eyed man in the land of th blind. Like say Prowhip had an employee satisfaction of 25% , Sysfoni had 27% and Jhootham had 12% , so Sysfoni has become the best place to work in?
Then I said balls to all these thoughts. Its no use messing ur mind up since the asses fattened by lard and fat pay cheques due to bonuses received for the work of other employees are too insulated to feel any vibrations. Michellin/Bridgestone should do away with shock absorbers and borrow these asses for Formula one. They can showcase anything in any way they want to. Even if 70% of the workforce is not happy, its still the best place to work in. In Billy Joel's words, the company is like a woman "She'll only reveal what she wants you to see, she hides like a child but she'll always be Sysfoni to me".
So I thought about the movie I had watched the night before. A film called "Revolver" by Guy Ritchie. I didn;t have the satisfaction of having watched something good when it eneded ,but I couldn't dismiss it as trash either. I actually liked the movie when I thought about it later. Its not a typical Guy ritchie film. it doesn't have the confusion, fun and everything but its a lot deeper. the solution to the problem is audacious but uinique and I wouldn't be surprised one day if this film is viewed as a work of art. I guess I'd like it better on second viewing. Like the film says "There is no enemy", I believe in that now and have nothing against the way Sysfoni does things although I may not be happy about it :).

This is good :)

2009-08-15T13:16:00.001+02:00

Zombies Unmasked

2009-08-15T12:46:00.002+02:00

What if instead of dying people started turning into pigs at the last stage of swine flu.? Would we still find Bacon tasty? "Pig-Me"? Worse would be if the virus is not sophisticated and works only partially. You might have the face of a pig and your own body or vice versa. In the "vice versa" scenario Sohail Khan would look similar to what he does now.
If its like a zombie attack but affects only the elderly. They want to bite and cnovert others to zombies but they can't since pig dentures haven't been developed yet. Their frustrations might add to their age related cynicysms. The word swine might be deemed 'racist'/'derogatory' by our ever incrementally emotional society.
Since the virus does not affect pigs adversely, the only solution might be turning into a pig. Some wise man , probably blonde/irish/paaji/mallu/paki/George W Bush/anyone used in jokes, thought the only way we could fool the virus was disguising as pigs. Hence, they decided to manufacture masks that make ur face resemble that of a pig(N95 anyone?). Surprisingly, masks shaped that way are the only ones which are mildly effective, the other surgical ones are just a poor man's version of the real thing.
But what to do. As hypocritical as I may sound, even I wore a mask for a coupla days. A yellow coloured pig snout sorta thing. All due to parental and other pressures. Ah the brains!!

Flip Side

2009-08-15T11:47:00.002+02:00

Its been a while since I had any real fun. Can't even go out much today since the swine flu paranoia has brought things to a standstill. On the positive side, driving is pure pleasure. This looks like Pune 10 years ago, with the light rain and no traffic. You can almost organize a Formula One race through Pune City today, its that empty.
I hope this paranoia stays till Ganesh Utsav. There haven't been any Janmashtami/Independence day celebrations also thankfully. So things are peaceful and normal and none of those dimwitted, painted faced , drunk and goon looking folks are creating a ruckus on the roads. It looks like city has had an angioplasty. The blockages are removed and the arteries are healthy.
I prefer it this way! The only thing that can bring about restraint, tolerance and discipline in Indians as a population is fear for our own lives. Otherwise we are too busy being petty , cheap and disgusting. So, in a way this mass paranoia is welcome , so that we can have a look at how things can be and should be.

Dishy Wishy

2009-08-08T03:26:00.003+02:00

Lame thoughts enter my head. Things seem funny. Supposed to have this feeling of "funniness" 10 yrs later, when I look back at a situation. I find it funny even though I continue to be affected adversely by it. Maybe I am turning masochist. Maybe the world has lost its sense of humour. Maybe way ahead of my time, lol. So technically I am 37 though I look and feel 27.
A friend of mine recently said something about onions, that when u peel them off you come to a pure white core. and thats how we should peel our superficial levels. I like that thought , though my cynical brain has put another dumb thought out there. What if the layers just show how age affects anything. An onion would be pure to start with , but finally it gets all horrid and black and badly textured later. Our wrinkles at our old age show the same thing. But we can't peel ourselves into pure babies since we really aren't onions. Although England now have a fast bowler called Graham Onions. Maybe things are different for his family :). Not one to give up without trying , I shall buy body scrub now, or file in an affidavit and change by name.
But I have one sinking feeling. What if we are more like tomatoes, take the superficial off and we become all messy, squishy and icky. Sounds like Christina Ricci without make up. Or maybe even like potatoes, no difference whether u peel off the layers or don't.
I think u can't categorize people as onions, some may well be tomatoes and potatoes, apples and oranges and you really can't compare. Basically, a well cooked dish requires all these ingredients with all these flavours, and I guess thats what the world is.A salad or a Dish! Although I think, someone put in too much Bitter Gourd in there :)

Hmmm

2009-08-01T04:44:00.002+02:00

Its been a topsy turvy week. There have been issues at work , but there is also the satisfaction of having competed an important task. Have joined Spanish classes and its so funny that sometimes any sort of movement in any one area of your life can egg u on to accomplish stuff in other areas. I guess its right what they say about momentum and inertia. I have picked up some speed over the last few weeks and hope to keep the momentum going

Revitalize

2009-07-19T04:16:00.002+02:00

A Silver Lining
What I need is something concrete
Half a page of scribbled lines is passe
Now the picture needs to become clearer
No more murkiness
No more staring through smoke filled haze
Enough of the dense fog clouding my existence
I need the spotlight now
I need wealth, fame and material happiness
I need to cross the crossroads
Get on my one way track for life
And at a gallop while I'm at it